All Blacks legend Bruce Robertson, pictured with his wife of 48 years, Nellie, tragically lost his brave battle with dementia last month.
For two years All Black great Bruce Robertson couldn’t speak while he battled dementia - until he returned to his family house to be surrounded by loved ones and told his wife he wanted to look after his health service-provided carer.
It was typical of the rugby hero who constantly thought of others first but tragically died last month, aged 71, after spending the majority of the past three years in care facilities in Auckland and Whangārei.
Widely regarded as one of our greatest-ever rugby players, Robertson played 102 matches - including 34 tests - for New Zealand between 1972 and 1981.
Now, three weeks after family members, friends and former teammates farewelled the rugby hero, his wife, Nellie, has spoken of the deep loss of her husband of 48 years from the medical condition that has struck down many former players.
“We kept him up to date with the progress, in the know right up until we knew he couldn’t understand what was going on,” Nellie told the Herald on Sunday.
“He accepted his fate.
“It [dementia] really is [awful]. Hopefully, they will find a cure for it.
“At the end of the day, it has just been a tremendous relief for him to go.
“He was quite a fit man right up to the end. He wanted to get up and walk around and we assisted him when we could. We could see that it was just a big struggle.”
An organ donor, Roberston had also previously decided to donate his brain to medical science in a bid to find a cure for dementia. Robertson is among a growing number of former star players who suffered head knocks during their playing days and was later diagnosed with dementia.
Among those is former All Blacks prop Carl Hayman. He claims in his new book he was exploited during his professional rugby career and is among a group of more than 100 former ex-players who are taking legal action against World Rugby and the England and Wales rugby unions, amid claims those sporting bodies failed to protect them from permanent injury relating to repeated concussions.
The group also includes England Rugby World Cup-winning hooker Steve Thompson and former Wales captain Ryan Jones.
In 2013, America’s NFL made a US$765 million ($1.2 billion) payment to settle a lawsuit from more than 4500 ex-gridiron players over its previous approach to head injuries and concussions.
Robertson - who also had a history of dementia and Alzheimer’s in his family - also wanted to donate other organs as potential life-saving gifts to other New Zealanders.
But Nellie said when her husband died on the night of May 12, a medical team required to remove his brain and other organs couldn’t be mustered.
“He always thought that if he had something available and was working really well, he was quite happy to donate it,” she said.
“But at that stage, we knew it just wasn’t going to happen... there were no surgeons or people around to do that. It’s a shame, all of his vitals were terrific. In the end, our hands were tied, and we couldn’t do anything.”
Robertson had spent about three years in a variety of residential care facilities in Whangārei and Auckland.
During that period, as well as battling dementia, he caught Covid-19, fractured a hip after falling over, and suffered a fractured cheekbone.
Late last year, when it was believed he didn’t have long to live, he was sent back home to Whangārei and looked after at his house by family and a carer.
“We wanted him home at that stage because his state told us that he didn’t have long,” Nellie said. “He was drugged to the max and couldn’t even open his eyes.”
Muscle deterioration around his throat meant he hadn’t been able to talk for about two years. Robertson - who was born in Hawke’s Bay - was also on a mainly fluid diet.
But Nellie said her loving husband underwent an amazing turnaround after being moved back up north.
“Blow me down, he gets up here and comes alive,” she said.
“He came back up here and started talking. The first thing he said to me when he was wide awake sitting in his seat was, ‘I need to take care of my carers.’ My mouth just dropped open and I said to him I was happy to do that. He said, ‘No, I have to do that.’”
He was later transferred back into the care of a residential centre in Auckland, with Nellie saying it was “heartbreaking” to have to bid farewell after the family’s visits.
Robertson had endured a dramatic weight loss before he finally passed away at Auckland’s Beachhaven Care Home.
“We were all there with him,” Nellie said of his death on May 12.
“When we lost him he was staying at Beachhaven, they were fantastic and looked after him really well. The care that he was given was outstanding. We are really grateful to them for that.”
An outpouring of grief was felt around New Zealand when Robertson’s death was revealed.
His loved ones had previously kept his health battle private.
Hundreds attended his funeral at the Counties Manukau’s home ground at Pukekohe.
While the large service might have been “the last thing that Bruce wanted”, Nellie said it was important to her and the couple’s three daughters that they shared the day with those who either knew or respected him.
“It was a fantastic send-off and he is definitely in a better place,” she said.
Robertson was later cremated. His ashes are on display at the Robertson’s house in Whangārei, surrounded by some memorabilia from his glittering rugby career.
“We have him where he really wanted to be... at home, in his bedroom,” Nellie said.
She thanked family, friends and the wider rugby community for their support, adding she was hugely touched by the tributes paid to Robertson’s playing ability.
We are saddened to share the news of the passing of legendary All Black and Counties Manukau Rugby icon Bruce Roberston.
— CountiesRugby (@CountiesRugby) May 13, 2023
Our love and thoughts are with his family and friends at this time.
More: https://t.co/JIo1ADTwUd pic.twitter.com/nnJHfV35xJ
But ultimately the family remembered him as a husband, father and grandfather, not as a rugby player.
“He was always just a man [to us],” Nellie said.
“He was a lovely man. He was really caring. He was a great man to have around and he could cook a mean steak.”
Robertson had a competitive streak no matter what sport he played, his wife said.
That shone through during what was meant to be a “friendly” Sunday afternoon game of indoor cricket.
“What started out to be a friendly ended up becoming very, very competitive,” Nellie recalled.
“We were the last batters to go in and he said, ‘Whatever you do, hit it down and I will be at your crease.’ I would hardly even hit it and he would be at my crease telling me to run.
“We won by one point and I can still feel the vibrations from him, it should never have gotten to that, but his competitive nature came out that day and there was no way he was going to let his friends and me down.
“It is a day I will never forget... we never played indoor cricket again,” she laughed.
She was “immensely” proud of what he achieved on the rugby field.
Nellie only ever went on one overseas All Blacks’ tour - when he played his 100th match in 1980 in Wales. Her reluctance to travel more often was because she didn’t want her presence to be a distraction to her husband while he was on tour.
“He had a job he needed to do for New Zealand and he knew I was safe at home with the family.”
For the same reason, Nellie decided the pair wouldn’t have children until he had finished his All Blacks career.
They eventually had three daughters; Jackie, Natalie and Shannon.
“I didn’t want him to have any regrets whatsoever... I just wanted him to go out and play like he normally did.”
Robertson’s strong sense of values is also something Nellie will always treasure and never forget.
That includes his stand in 1981 to withdraw from contention to play against the touring Springboks; a decision which ended his legendary All Blacks career.
Robertson made the decision after being appalled by what he witnessed on the All Blacks’ 1976 tour of South Africa.
“I respected his views on that,” Nellie said.
“I was all for him playing rugby, but I am so glad he didn’t and that he stuck to his guns. He made the decision he wasn’t going to play.”
Nellie said her late husband’s legacy would live on proudly among their children and grandchildren.
That includes the fact an athlete of a four-legged kind named BJ Robertson could be making headlines in the racing press.
A horse trainer confirmed to Nellie at Robertson’s funeral he had finally found a young horse with winning potential to be named in the rugby great’s honour.
“The one stipulation we had was that it was as quick and clever as Bruce,” Nellie laughed.
The missing rugby jersey was found after a two-year search.