World Cup final referee Nigel Owens says his struggle over whether to be open about his sexuality had a negative effect on his career until he decided to come out and admit he was gay.
After refereeing his first game as a 16-year-old at high school, Owens progressed through thesenior ranks but kept his sexuality a secret for fear he would be ostracised or banned from continuing his involvement in the fiercely masculine sport.
Owens publicly came out as gay in 2007, but in a recent interview with World Rugby, the Welshman explained how he wrestled with the decision about whether to be open about who he was.
"That was a huge challenge, deciding do I come out and be myself or do I hide it so I could continue with my refereeing?," explained Owens.
"I didn't know at the time, if it comes out am I going to be able to continue refereeing, because there was nobody out in rugby union or pretty much any other sport at that time."
In 2005 Owens was appointed to referee his first international match between Japan and Ireland in Osaka, and another game between the Irish and English Barbarians followed soon after.
Despite his rising status, the 44-year-old admits his inner turmoil was impacting upon his refereeing performances and threatened to derail his promising career.
"I didn't referee the games very well because at the back of my mind was this, still chipping away, if people find out am I going to be able to carry on with this refereeing?," he said.
"My performances in those two games weren't good enough and I thought I'd blown it, my chance was gone."
Owens paid the price when he was overlooked for the end of year autumn internationals, before a test between Argentina and Samoa in Buenos Aires was added to the schedule.
Believing he was on his last chance, Owens knew he needed to come clean and reveal his sexuality to free himself of the burden that was clouding his mind and affecting his performances.
"I thought, right, I've got to do something here now. I told my line manager who was the referee's manager and him and the Welsh Rugby Union and everyone were 100 per cent behind me and supporting me.
"And then I was able to tell people and it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders." Owens went on to establish himself as one of the best referee's in the world and credits much of his success with his decision to be honest about who he is.
"There's an old saying we have in Wales, 'a happy referee is a good referee', and I think that goes to anybody in any walk of life.
"Whether you referee rugby, participate in rugby or in any sport, or in any job or role you do, unless you're happy with who you are and happy yourself you cannot achieve what you can in whatever you want to do in life."
Owens' appointment as referee of the recent World Cup final between the All Blacks and Wallabies was the ultimate reward but he insists it was a goal that only came into view in recent years.
"It certainly wasn't my goal when I started refereeing, it gradually crept in as the years have gone by really. And when you realise then you're in with a realistic chance maybe of doing that dream one day.
"With refereeing, the same as playing, you probably don't really appreciate what you're a part of until you hang up the boots, or hang up the whistle in my case. That's when you sit back and realise I was part of that."
