Supershorts: Horn hell

CEO of the Bay of Plenty Rugby Union, Jeremy Curragh. Photo / APN

"We want our home games to be an enjoyable experience for all our supporters and certainly don't want anyone coming away annoyed," Bay of Plenty rugby chief Jeremy Curragh said after recalling the 100 vuvuzelas the union sold to fans.

This raises several interesting questions. Namely, is Curragh - who was so determined not to annoy the union's fans he ordered 1000 plastic trumpets for them - deaf? Or perhaps the outcry over the din during the soccer World Cup wasn't quite global after all?

Horn hope
There is some light at the end of the tunnel for distraught Steamers fans facing the prospect of no longer watching rugby while listening to an incessant drone.

Supershorts sources understand the union is to offer a "hire a wife" service to male supporters who hand in their vuvuzelas. "The wife will sit next to the spectator and carp constantly about how the lawns haven't been mowed for months and the spare room still needs painting," an entirely manufactured source close to the club says. Female patrons are expected to be offered a "husband" who shortly after kick off will launch into an extended dialogue about the wife's inability to parallel park and control credit card spending.

Our Kimberley
They may never have won a grand final but the Warriors do have one NRL title to their credit, with Danielle taking out the Cheergirl of the year title in 2009. This year Kimberley (below) defends the crown, taking on Bulldog Robyn in the first round. You can vote for Kimberley by emailing blcheergirl@newsmagazines.com.au with 'Kimberley' in the subject field. Be sure to include your name and address in the email.

Ref rage
Bad news for league fans who plumped for "referees attacking old grannies at weddings" when pondering where the off field disgraces might stop short of.

Top English whistler Steve Ganson seems to have rather let the side down on that one. An English newspaper reported this week that Ganson had been arrested for allegedly attacking a woman of 87.

"He is a 40-year-old man who swung his fist at my mother, who is 87, 8st and just over 5ft tall. What can you say about a man who does that?" the victim's daughter Linda said. Um, not much. Ganson had to withdraw from a Challenge Cup semifinal between Warrington and Catalan Dragons as he was in police custody.

Rear effort
Backpage sports writers the world over were rejoicing when the final round of Champions League qualifiers pitted Tottenham Hotspur against Young Boys of Bern.

You can pretty much insert your own gags here (not that type) but it's vital that Spurs really give it to Young Boys in the away leg at Wankdorf Stadium. "I fancy Spurs to really stick it up Young Boys, who could be stretched at the back," is the best effort Supershorts has come across so far.

Good week for...

Bryce Woodward
Finally, after 15 years, Woodward becomes the first Northland rugby coach to get a chance at the Blues. Woodward, who missed out to Aussie David Nucifora several years ago, will assist Pat Lam and continue to coach this year's ITM Cup.

Bad week for...

Tiger Woods
Can it get any worse for the maybe soon to be deposed World No1? First he made a goat of himself having the worst tour performance of his career at the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational, so the goatee has to go. That'll fix everything.

The number... 18
The All Blacks are on a 13-match winning streak and are eyeing 17 to equal their and South Africa's record runs. They can equal the record against Scotland on the end-of-year tour and pass it against Ireland a week later.