48 hours: Aussie joke is on the Blues and it's got to stop now

How can you be so wrong?

When David Nucifora came to town, I thought "well this looks promising".

For a start, here is a man who kind-of won a Super 12 title.

Nucifora can drive over the Harbour Bridge without thinking he's either going or leaving home which means he might unite Kaitaia and Kohimarama, Orewa and Otahuhu.

Here is a man with absolutely none of the baggage which has often stopped the Blues from travelling well. Nucifora might lead the Blues to their destiny as a dynasty when his chance came. Or so I thought.

How wrong can you get?

I've still got faith in Nucifora, but instead of measuring it with a bucket, it's down to a thimble. Yes, we must give the man a chance. But after Friday night ...

The Blues have never played as badly as they did against the Waratahs. Never.

They are the same Waratahs who have never won a thing, although they are world champions at talking a good game.

Since Nucifora hasn't been here that long it might pay to remind him that on this side of the Tasman, New South Wales are a rugby joke - an amateur hour joke, not a Jerry Seinfeld one.

Okay, they might be slightly better than that, maybe make the top four and even beat you now and then. But not like Friday.

And it's the Blues who are the joke. Hell, at times this season their scrum has looked like a lineout and their lineout like a scrum. Now that is funny.

You had a horrible feeling after the Blues beat the Brumbies that it was a fluke. When the Blues led early by heaps, it could - no should - have been the Brumbies leading.

This luck ran out in Sydney.

Hey Blues. Rugby is a game that requires line breaks. If we wanted to watch line dancing, we'd have straw stuck between our teeth and be talking "ye-aaaaalll" talk.

The Blues can go sideways with such an amazing array of steps it looks like they're all trying to bump Norm Hewitt off Dancing With The Stars.

At least the Blues proved one thing: the possession and territory figures commentators insist on hurling at us mean diddly squat in rugby. They might as well read out the Lotto numbers.

Next subject. What is there to say about the ponderous Tasesa Lavea? Try this. He is completely out of his depth and should be dumped. Permanently.

I hate to speak such ill of anyone, but there is plenty at stake here and Lavea fiddles while Rome is in flames and the fans fume.

This doesn't leave Nucifora many options, because Luke McAlister still plays like the biggest kid in the playground. But the time has come to base the future of the franchise around McAlister and to stop an excruciating experiment with Lavea. Putting McAlister and Lavea together is a death wish.

Which brings us to backs coach Joe Schmidt. A Sunday newspaper columnist called for Schmidt's head. Immediately.

And all I can say to that is - TOO RIGHT. Time is up, Joe, because the backline has been a disaster since you came to town.

The Blues' bottom line is so bad the time has come for someone to pay. Now.

That thimble is also starting to shake, David Nucifora.

Nucifora is as likeable and straight up as they come in rugby. He deserves respect. It also pays to stick with coaches through rough patches, so they can learn to be coaches. But it is becoming impossible to stomach Nucifora's Blues. They are that bad.

No doubt the Blues will deal with this in the usual rugby way. People will move on to other options at the end of the season, and a press release will wish them all the best.

But these Blues are so damn annoying. So give us a press release right now, Blues board, saying you have decided to pursue other options. Right now.

* Top marks to the Warriors. They played like a real NRL team in belting the Wests Tigers on Saturday night. After a ridiculous performance against the Eels, they suddenly looked a decent side - a mystery wrapped in an enigma, as they say.

Who knows exactly how Steve Price ended up here after more murky allegations about player agents and former Warriors CEO Mick Watson over the weekend.

What next - Swiss bank accounts, the CIA, maybe even Tony Blair?

But Price can play - and not just in the propping fundamentals. There's his draw and pass, the off-loading under pressure and on the run, not to mention his unusual penchant for charging down kicks.

Price is a footballing diamond, with a price tag to match.

The Warriors won't overcome the four point deficit, but maybe they've got the pre-season shenanigans out of the system and can put in a good campaign. The Warriors also found shape with Jerome Ropati at standoff, where he replaced the suspended Sione Faumuina.

Faumuina is too unorthodox for the job. Ropati doesn't dominate the game yet, but I don't believe it was coincidence that Clinton Toopi and Manu Vatuvei found their best form and confidence with Ropati at No 6. Just a thought, Ivan Cleary.

* Quote of the week:

Blond NZ Davis Cup player Mark Nielsen has tested positive to a banned substance which is found in a hair restoring treatment.

His lawyer, Kit Toogood, while not identifying the specific source of the drug, Finasteride, said Nielsen had been on a prescription medicine since 2003.

"He is now hoping for a fair hearing," the Queen's Counsel said.

Not to mention fair hair.