Supershorts: Prison made easy

Bahrain players wallow in grief after winning 10-0 against Indonesia. The Middle Eastern nation - trumped by the All Whites in 2009 - have been knocked out of qualifying for the World Cup after a 2-2 tie between Iran and Qatar. Photo / AP

The war on terror isn't what it used to be. In George Bush's day, recreational activity for the residents consisted of a leisurely spell of waterboarding followed by a spell of orange jumpsuit jazzercise. Today, under Barack Obama, the US military is spending $890,000 on a new soccer field, exercise equipment and - most bizarrely - a walking trail.

Shortly after arriving in the White House, Obama vowed to shut the prison, located cheekily on Cuban soil, but Congress stopped him. Looks like plan-B is to turn it into a country club.

NRL highlights I

Our favourite thing about the launch of the NRL for 2012?

Nope, it's not the prospect of unfeasibly daft blokes getting boozed and pooing in hotel corridors; nor is it even the dizzying task of adding up all David Gallop's apologies as the season goes on.

And while Jon Bon Jovi is immensely - and disturbingly - popular with the staff on the Herald's police desk, a second consecutive appearance of his rent-a-bozo anthem Our House isn't our favourite thing. (Seriously, NRL? We know there's a global financial thing-a-majig going on, but reusing last year's tune? Next year: Simply the Best.)

Nope, our favourite thing is the pronunciation guide in the NRL media directory. What? You mean Aussie league couldn't get their tongue around Siulongoua Fotofili (that's See-oo-lorng-a Fort-or-fee-lee, to you Phil Gould).

NRL highlights II

Oddly, the media guide's producers seem concerned about the pronunciation of "Loo-iss" Brown.

No mention of Micheal Luck, though, who - until we hear otherwise - we'll assume is pronounced "Michelle".

Playing chicken I

We don't condone throwing things at players - even Quade Cooper - but if you must throw something, then bits of chicken seem a nice gesture. Brazilian soccer club Guarani de Juazeiro has been fined after a rival player was hit in the head with a drumstick.

Referee Edson Galvao da Silva stuck the drumstick on to his post-match report.

Playing chicken II

If you threw a drumstick at new Chiefs prop Ben Tameifuna - 138kg of scrum-holding bulk - he'd probably eat the thing. He'd probably eat you for good measure.

At that weight, Tameifuna could just about play halfback for the Blues.

We're guessing here, but he's got to be the biggest prop to play Super rugby since big Bill Cavubati - who at 160kg was the biggest player in test rugby.

If you know of a bigger one than Tameifuna, drop us a line.

Playing sausages

If drumsticks seem a bit, well, lower class, you could go the way of Italian soccer club Narnese, whose fans have taken to throwing cooked sausages and potatoes at opposition players and referees.

"A potato skimmed the referee's face," said a league spokesman. "One sausage hit the goalkeeper - but did not cause him pain."

Toenail sinner

Who's the jandal-wearing, high-powered sports media insider said by a fellow sports hack to "still have offensive toenails"?

Pushy and desperate

And who's the sports media desperado so eager to get a regular spot hosting a radio show that when visiting a certain station he's been known to cross people's names off the roster and write in his own?