In an ever-changing world, it's good to know you can still rely on a few things.
And there's nothing more certain in life than death, taxes, an upcoming Donald Trump tweet and another rugby league rort.
"Our great game" works something like this.
People play by the rules until they don't suit them, which is why there have been so many salary cap problems.
League revels in making things up as it goes along. Try counting the number of World Cup formats for evidence of that. The game loves a shambles, which is what makes league fascinating and what also pulls league down.
Retiring Melbourne Storm legend Billy Slater will play in the NRL grand final against the Roosters this weekend after "escaping" a shoulder charge ban, for his try-saving hit on Cronulla Sharks back Sosaia Feki.
"Our Great Game" somehow decided the "champion" Slater had to play in the grand final because this is his last season.
Feki could have had his ribs poking out like the devil's fork and Slater would still have been innocent on all charges, because Our Billy is a champion who needs a good sendoff.
More importantly, self-appointed league overlord Phil Gould decreed that Slater must play. Gould loves league almost as much as he loves himself, and that love came to the rescue of our embattled champion.
And so it came to pass. All Slater had to do was show up with a detailed defence at his hearing. A mood, a feeling, the pressure would do the rest.
Never mind the rules, the legitimacy of the grand final, Feki, safety, the rights of the Sharks, the rights of the Roosters...
Slater had the perfect case, claiming he intended to make a good tackle — and you've got to hear this bit — but it turned out wrong because Feki didn't keep running in a perfectly straight line. As proof of his innocence, Billy revealed he had studied all of Feki's tries and this time, the Cronulla man did something unusual which caught Billy out.
Your honour, the dead man ducked into my bullet.
Further to his defence, Slater announced he could run really, really fast.
Australia's disinterest led to test football crumbling, and the Kangaroos have spent years avoiding playing the Kiwis in New Zealand.
Last year, due to World Cup controversies, Tonga suddenly became an unlikely attraction, and an intense rivalry with the Kiwis developed. It left people desperate to watch New Zealand play Tonga.
So who will Tonga play this year? Australia of course, in Auckland.
What next? The Kiwis playing England in America? Oh yeah, they've already done that one.
How about Australia playing England in Moscow for the Putin Cup? That would be a sure-fire winner. Quick, find me a promoter.
Back to Billy. He truly is, was, an unbelievable player. Off the charts. Sadly, he will be on display in the grand final as a protected species.
