KEY POINTS:
Bobby Gould is the man who used to tell Vinnie Jones what to do. So if Gould thinks New Zealand needs a soccer team in the A-League, then New Zealand needs a bleeding soccer team in the A-League.
Gould was in charge of Wimbledon when The Dons beat Liverpool in the 1988 FA Cup final, and he has been helping his son Jonathan coach in Hawke's Bay.
Gould's Wimbledon side were called The Crazy Gang, but Gould was considered reasonably sane so when he says "it's imperative that we are represented in the A-League", you have to respect the fact he describes New Zealand as "we".
He told the Dominion Post: "You've got to have someone or a team to look up to, and I know for certain there are some bloody good young players in this country. I've seen them for myself."
So has Wynton Rufer, who runs the Wynrs football academy. Interestingly, Wellington-raised Rufer has been asked to coach the proposed Townsville team which has been competing with New Zealand's Wellington bid for a place in Australia's A-League.
But Rufer and many insiders believe Wellington will get the nod.
"Sounds like they'll get the New Zealand team together with Ricki Herbert [as coach]," said Rufer. "That seems like a good idea."
Rufer is relaxed. Townsville's bid can wait until the league potentially expands the following season.
Soccer New Zealand should hope both the Wellington and Townsville bids succeed. Part of Rufer's brief is to set up academies and that means the most talented Wynrs players (four are in the New Zealand under-17) may get the chance to train professionally in tropical North Queensland.
How many will survive up there playing in 40-degree heat in the summer A-League is another matter. Will games be played at 3am to provide humane conditions?
Townsville also want Rufer to bring in Brazilians, and by that I don't mean waxing Down Under. Rufer has already been asked by the Brazilian national coaching staff to take a young striker with World Cup potential. This is because Rufer is personal friends with Brazil national coach Dunga and his assistant Jorginho. Rufer and Dunga went fishing on the Waitemata together and by that I don't mean they were on the Waitemata Sparkling Ale. These footballing Christians are tight - by that I don't mean stingy with money or unwilling to have sex (well, after marriage anyway).
The fact Soccer New Zealand has never truly embraced Rufer is a shame for the game in this country.
Yes, he's different. He's a Swiss-Maori Christian who knows people and isn't afraid to say it. So what?
Soccer New Zealand needs people who know people. And while New Zealand stands to lose Rufer's schmoozability, perversely they will gain if his Townsville football academy gets off the ground next year.
Allez Wellington! Allez Wynton!
Cheerleading update
Scottish rugby claimed to unveil the first ever cheerleaders in Six (or Five) Nations history last weekend.
Hold on a minute. First ever cheerleaders? They forgot about the English press and Sunday Times rugby writer Stephen Jones, who actually writes holding pom-poms.
In NRL cheerleading news: the Warriors have cheerleaders again, Souths have banned them, and Parramatta have added male cheerleaders for the sheilas.
No Sikhs please...
ew Zealand's foray into the war against terror is interesting, given that we have targetted Sikhs, rather than al-Qaeda.
The latest target was Harminder Singh Mavi who was thrown off a Qantas flight in Queenstown because he spent five minutes in the toilet and passengers and flight staff became suspicious.
Mavi says he was fixing his turban. He might have been in the toilet that long if he was feeling Sikh.
Either way, it appears that because Sikh men wear turbans, the official New Zealand policy is: No Sikhs on a Plane.
Some foreigners confused by our accent were relieved to find out the policy wasn't: No Sex on a Plane. It's believed this policy won't spread to other countries. For example, you won't see the sign: No Sikhs please, we're British Airways.
However, problems loom if the England cricket team tour with Sikh spin-bowler Monty Panesar.
Will he be forced to travel by land or restrict his toilet breaks to four minutes? His enthusiasm and joie de vivre may be misconstrued as a threat to Kiwi airlines.
Happy bin day
Speaking of cricket, Osama Bin Laden turned 50 last week.
Some say the al-Qaeda head honcho is hiding in Pakistan. If that's the case, the best time to find him might be when Pakistan plays in the World Cup while his protectors are off guard.
The biggest surprise is that we've all been spelling his name wrong, as many did with Pakistan cricket captain Inzamam-ul-Haq.
The CIA website names Osama as Usama. This is why they haven't found him.
