Shoaib Akhtar's international cricket career was frought with controversy. Photo / Photosport
Shoaib Akhtar's international cricket career was frought with controversy. Photo / Photosport
OPINION:
Good old Shoaib Akhtar, the fastest bowler in history and self-appointed emissary from mighty Pakistan, putting little old New Zealand in its place for daring to reprimand their quarantine-breaking cricketers.
After the official warning was delivered, Akhtar aimed a YouTube performance at New Zealand of such bristling pomposity, itwas unintentionally funny: "…this is not a club team, it's Pakistan national cricket team. We don't need you. Our cricket has not finished. You will get the broadcasting rights money. So, you should be indebted to us that we decided to tour your country in such difficult times.
"You are talking about Pakistan - the greatest country on the planet – so behave yourself and stop giving such statement. Be careful next time. Pakistan team now needs to smash them in T20 series."
"The greatest country on the planet" is heading for, officially, 8000 deaths from the pandemic. You'd think that might engender some understanding of why New Zealand's being a bit fussy about quarantine.
You'd also think Akhtar would know not to stray into the vexed territory of infectious diseases. After all, the man credited with bowling more balls over 160km/h than anyone else is also the only cricketer in history to be ruled out of a World T20 tournament because of genital warts – or, if we are to be entirely accurate, the only cricketer that we know of.
That's because Akhtar was so unloved by his employers, the Pakistan Cricket Board, that they made it public. They could have said Akhtar was out of the tournament for medical reasons or some other euphemism. But no, seemingly tired of his antics and attitude, his own board laid bare his problem, warts and all.
So you'd think a bloke with a medical history like that wouldn't be gobbing off and waggling his oversized ego at New Zealand for telling off Pakistani cricketers breaching quarantine protocols.
Shoaib Akhtar has chosen to chuck plenty of criticism at New Zealand's handling of the Pakistan cricket team's current tour of the country. Photo / Photosport
They aren't even "the greatest country" on the cricketing planet. In the ICC test championship, mighty Pakistan rank seventh, five spots below New Zealand. In the ICC ODI championship, they are ranked sixth, New Zealand third. They outrank the Black Caps at T20 with Pakistan fourth, New Zealand sixth.
However, they don't need us, apparently. You wonder whether they need Akhtar either.
They didn't back in 2012 when Akhtar was ruled out of the World T20 tournament, the subject of an extraordinary statement from the PCB: "Shoaib Akhtar will miss next month's World Twenty20 tournament due to a genital infection," it said. "Shoaib was diagnosed with genital viral warts and underwent a course of electrofulguration treatment – a procedure where electrical current is used to destroy unwanted tissue."
To understand why this rather gruesome piece of information was imparted – I'm not sure any of us needed to know about electrofulguration – you need to know the volatile Akhtar was often a problem to his own team and certainly to his own cricket board. It was headed in those days by the genial Intikhab Alam, known as "Inti", a former captain of Pakistan, a legspinner and hard-hitting batsman, beloved in Surrey and English county cricket.
Akhtar's international career was littered with controversies like a two-year ban for performance enhancing drugs (an appeal cleared his name). There were arguments galore, injuries, ego, clashes not only with opponents but with teammates and allegations of a celebrity attitude that affected his commitment to the team.
There was more, much more, and the rather brutal genital warts episode seemed to signify that the PCB had had enough.
In the inaugural World T20 tournament in 2007, he was sent home after an argument in the dressing room which may have come to blows after two teammates apparently ridiculed him for comparing himself to Imran Khan – now prime minister of Pakistan and the best all-round cricketer that country has produced.
Interestingly, Imran hasn't seen the need to defend Pakistan's cricketers – probably another reason Shoaib felt he had to step in, important personage that he is.
The thing with ego is that, when the spotlight moves on, it can be difficult to replace. Shoaib is primarily famous for bowling a few balls faster than anyone else has. But in test cricket, the real measure of a cricketer, he took only 147 wickets.
Akhtar played just one test match on New Zealand soil but took career-best figures of 11/78 in the process. Photo / Photosport
Here's a list of New Zealand bowlers from that list who overcame the handicap of being from the little country that should be grateful Pakistan is bringing us more Covid cases. They took more wickets than Shoaib: Richard Hadlee, Daniel Vettori, Tim Southee, Trent Boult, Chris Martin, Chris Cairns and Neil Wagner.
Shoaib made it into the top 30 wicket-takers in one-day history, but is well behind Vettori and a small army of world-class Pakistanis (including Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, Shahid Afridi and Saqlain Mushtaq).
So, Shoaib, thanks for letting us know your poor opinion of us. Keep washing the hands, and try this new way of wearing the mask - Ball it up. Insert in mouth.
