Louise Duncan will make her Paralympic Games debut in Paris on board Showcase BC. Photo / Libby Law Photography
Louise Duncan will make her Paralympic Games debut in Paris on board Showcase BC. Photo / Libby Law Photography
Sue Cardwell for LockerRoom
Louise Duncan clearly remembers her first visit to a pet store with her mum and grandad after her life was changed forever by meningitis.
Duncan was 17, and a talented young horse rider, when she caught a particularly dangerous strain of meningitis. Doctors didn’t hold a lot of hope. Almost everyone else with that strain died.
But she challenged the doctors’ expectations that day, and she did so again on the day she got back on a horse – something they also told her she would never do.
She had to learn to do the fundamentals – like walking – from scratch. The meningitis caused strokes, leaving her initially paralysed from the neck down. But for Duncan, who describes herself as a warrior, the biggest adjustment wasn’t just physical. It was seeing people’s reactions to her disability.
On one of her first outings, after she’d left the hospital, Duncan went with her mother and grandfather to the local pet store in Levin, with a walker and a catheter.
“I had no make-up on because I was struggling just to walk,” Duncan recalls. “It was during the school holidays and there were a lot of young people there. When I came in with baggy pants and a big walker, I could feel them watching me, and they all just moved away. I found that very hard. To go from someone who was very people-oriented to some kind of an ogre.”
Now, almost 20 years later, Duncan is challenging the judgement and the trolls as she and her faithful companion, Showcase BC, claim their place at the Paris 2024 Paralympic Games. A hairdresser in Levin by day, this will be Duncan’s Paralympic debut.
“Before I was sick, I was a rider, doing FEI young rider things,” the 36-year-old says. “The meningitis came as a shock. After that, it took me 10 years to accept I was different. At 17, things are challenging at the best of times. You’re very aware of people’s opinions and fitting in. Other people in rehab wanted to learn to cook for themselves. I wanted to do make-up and dressage.”
Duncan’s grandad was her saviour in the times that followed. Together they went to ballroom dancing classes, which helped her to relearn her balance, but more importantly, she found an understanding community.
“Being older, they understood strokes, they understood falling over, and dropping cups of tea with fingers that weren’t working. They were so kind to me and that really helped me,” she says. Sadly, her grandad passed away on the day she was named in the New Zealand team for Paris.
But those dancing classes allowed Duncan to progress to the milestone the doctors hadn’t believed she would ever attain – to get back on a horse.
“They had no hope of keeping me away from it,” Duncan laughs. “I had ridden before I could walk.”
It was a dream come true and only made possible because of a very special horse.
“Hunniman was the quietest horse any of us had ever known. Mum and Dad helped me get on him for the first time. That feeling of freedom – I was so proud; it was amazing,” she says. “There was so much power underneath me and yet, he was looking after me. He just knew.”
In Duncan’s mind, the journey from there should have been simple – she felt she could do everything others could. For once, her self-belief held her back.
“Because I didn’t believe I was different, it was difficult. I had pain. I felt everyone was watching me,” she says. “I’d had a comment that I was pulling my horse in the mouth. I was very conscious of that – looking ugly in a sport that’s about looking pretty.”
Her body had changed – and it took a long time to accept. And, not looking physically disabled, she wasn’t the stereotype of a Para athlete, either.
“I had imposter syndrome,” she says. “Then I had to do a memory test for my classification and it was an eyeopener. I knew it was bad, but the test was confronting.
“As much as you try to be what society expects, you can’t. It took me a while to understand and appreciate my new self. Once I understood myself, I was so much more open to trying to reach for the stars and give everything a go.”
Having her horse as an anchor was a godsend, Duncan says. “Through my journey, I could focus on my horse. The goals were my horse’s goals.”
Louise Duncan and Showcase BC in competition. Photo / Libby Law Photography
Her latest horse, Showcase BC, is a bona fide member of the New Zealand Paralympic Team.
“It’s all about him,” says Duncan. “He gets the massages, I don’t!
“We just clicked. He makes me just feel like I can reach for anything. He has given me so much in such a short space of time. He’s sensitive, he’s powerful, he’s intelligent – everything a champion should be.”
Now Duncan’s determination is being showcased in a new publicity campaign for Paralympics NZ, sharing the prejudiced comments that New Zealand Paralympians have heard through their journey. It answers that prejudice with powerful athleticism and a bold challenge: “We’ll give you something to talk about.”
The topic is one that immediately resonated with Duncan, who has had to handle unwelcome comments both in person and through the anonymity of social media.
“Because I don’t look obviously disabled, people will come up to me and say ‘What’s wrong with you?’ There’s nothing wrong with me. Being different is a great thing,” she says.
Not only has she had to deal with “not looking disabled enough”, she has also found that not everyone believes a disabled athlete deserves to represent Aotearoa New Zealand.
“[The social media comments] would have really rocked me in the past. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am. I’m a warrior and I’m a survivor. I love my life.”
Duncan explains that being in the campaign is making her feel comfortable in her own skin – and she hopes it will inspire others to feel comfortable in theirs as well.
“Talking about things is so important. It’s okay to need a hand with something, you shouldn’t feel ashamed of using the handrail, you shouldn’t have to be hiding it. You shouldn’t have to be normal, whatever normal is. We are amazing no matter what we have.”
Duncan’s dream for the campaign is that it makes people stop and appreciate Para athletes as much as Olympians. We’re headed in the right direction, she feels. “It’s coming. We are seeing so much more of it and it’s empowering.”
And to the trolls, she says: “I don’t like bullying. If I’m on your mind, that’s a ‘you problem’ not a ‘me problem’.”
This story was originally published at Newsroom.co.nz and is republished with permission.
