Olympics is a pipe dream, but what could NZ host?

The women's game is the fastest growing part of New Zealand football, and we would embrace this increasingly important tournament. Photo / Getty Images.

Who said Germans don't have a sense of humour? Olympic president Thomas Bach created the impression at a press conference this week that New Zealand can be worthy bidders to host the five-ringed circus.

Presumably, Auckland would be the major host, leaving the Olympics largely in the hands of a city that can't even build a decent football stadium. Mind you, the Olympics would bring the planned railway line between downtown Auckland and Mt Eden into play.

We can only presume that the grandeur of Olympic House overwhelmed Bach to the point that he lost his senses. And to be fair, Parnell can do that to people. Just ask John Key.

There are a few World Cups New Zealand could be sole hosts of though...

1) League

League's world event has had more models than Warren Beatty. Yet this wild and wacky affair has never stumbled into New Zealand although we did get the final in 1988. New Zealand plays co-host in 2017 but what's the bet the Aussies stage the final? The sport is so Australia-dominated that it would be a breath of fresh air to hold the whole tournament in New Zealand, the world's number one league nation.

2) FIFA women's World Cup.

We're getting more and more artificial pitches...just kidding. The women are offended at playing on man-made - so to speak - turf in the upcoming tournament in Canada. New Zealand can promise the world's best players real grass and plenty of it. The women's game is the fastest growing part of New Zealand football, and we would embrace this increasingly important tournament.

3) Hockey

Our hockey players spend half their lives touring the planet. It's about time the rest of the world came here.

4) T20

This is the spiritual home of smash and grab cricket, having been invented in the mid-1990s by Martin Crowe who called it Cricket Max. And we've spent squillions keeping Eden Park oval-shaped for such a cricketing bonanza.

5) Basketball

Which would have the added benefit of making it impossible for Steven Adams to be unavailable. If basketball's world event can be hosted by a little tax-free country like Greece, then surely New Zealand can come up with the necessary dosh for the facilities.