NZ Herald takes you along to experience the opening ceremony for the Paris Olympics 2024 from a Kiwi-themed bar in Paris.
Video / NZ Herald
By Kris Shannon in Paris
Bienvenue à Paris. With an aggressively French celebration of everything from the guillotine to the ménage à trois, the 33rd Olympiad has begun.
Tonight’s opening ceremony may have been slightly spoiled when a grey day gave way to steady rain, but that seemed to worry none of the 6000 athletes sailing 6km down the Seine.
The unique occasion had it all. A winged creature playing an accordion sitting on the Pont d’Austerlitz, named for Napoleon’s masterpiece. A fashion show on a rain-soaked catwalk spanning the Debilly Footbridge, no model missing a step. A recreation of the Last Supper with the disciples replaced by performers in drag. Celine Dion.
There was also the odd bit of sport, almost interrupting what had been a good party. French football icon Zinedine Zidane kicked things off, while honorary French tennis stars Rafael Nadal and Serena Williams played starring roles towards the end.
In between there were boats, an unceasing parade of boats that started in traditional style with Greece, followed somewhat less traditionally by the Refugee Olympic Team.
Midway through, ponchos on their backs and poi in their hands, came a 77-strong Kiwi contingent led by flag bearers Aaron Gate and Jo Aleh, dancing on their waka with athletes from Oman, Uganda, Uzbekistan and Pakistan.
That prolonged section of the ceremony was, aside from all the water, little different to the usual march around an athletics track.
It provided chances to asses some haute couture — as always, the African nations competed with one another for podium spots in the uniform stakes, well ahead of the Ralph Lauren worn by the United States team.
It also offered educational opportunities — did you know that in 2018 Swaziland changed its name to Eswatini?
But only rarely were there exceptional sights — chief among them diver Tom Daley doing a Titanic bit on the British bow, playing Rose while fellow flag bearer Helen Glover took the part of Jack.
Tom Daley's flying, he's really flying. Photo / Getty Images
Elsewhere in la cérémonie d’ouverture, exceptional sights were the norm.
According to the official notes, the blue dude with an orange beard sitting in what appeared to be a giant fruit platter was an interpretation of the Greek God Dionysus that “made us aware of the absurdity of violence between human beings”. To most, it probably looked like a blue dude sitting in a giant fruit platter. It was, regardless, an arresting image.
Other highlights including the headless singer segueing into a metal band whose performance ended with stream(er)s of blood, along with a stirring rendition of Imagine accompanied by a flaming grand piano on a floating pontoon.
These curios were of far more interest than the celebrity sightings, of which there were many.
First came Lady Gaga, best known for starring in the upcoming Joker sequel, followed by Michael Phelps, best known for recently being called a tosser by Australian TV tosser Karl Stefanovic.
Some of the celebrities had been welcomed aboard: the American flag bearers were LeBron James and Coco Gauff, who between them share four NBA titles and two ASB Classic crowns.
The United States, as hosts of the next Olympics, were packed on to the penultimate boat, before France sparked a dazzling dance party that concluded with a painful comedown in the form of a speech from IOC president Thomas Bach.
As least Celine arrived for a grand finale under the Eiffel Tower, aided by the Olympic cauldron floating away dangerously under a hot-air balloon. Magnifique.
