Eric Thompson: It's just spin - the 0-100 dash

Photo / Jason Dorday

If there's a police officer in the vicinity, he'll hand you a ticket for uncontrollable deliberate breaking of traction in a dangerous and smelly way - or whatever the hell the offence is called.

I was at a motorsport meeting recently and had a bit of time to wander around the pits and associated areas.

I came across a couple of young blokes peering under the hood of a modified saloon car and overheard them chatting about the 0-100 times of their own road cars.

For a moment, I actually thought they were talking about naught to 100 miles per hour because back in my day it was called naught to 60, but I soon realised they were talking in kilometres per hour.

As I walked back to the media room I began thinking why on earth would a 0-100km/h time be all that important for a road car.

Even motor racers don't talk about acceleration in those terms, it tends to be the type of chat you'd expect to hear at a drag-racing meeting, but even then they don't really mention it.

Drag racers will be heard talking about a 10-second car - and that's not referring to how long it takes to steal it. That's the amount of time the car will take to cover a quarter mile (402m) from a standing start. Oh, by the way, a 10-second car is a very quick one.

There is, however, a similarity - it's about getting to top speed as fast as possible. Race car drivers also want to get to top speed as fast as possible but their concern is more about how the car will hook up off the line, is the power manageable, as little wheel spin as possible and how will the thing go around corners such as handling.

It doesn't matter how quick a car gets to 100km/h, or cover a quarter mile, if it doesn't stop or go around corners, it's pointless.

Judging a vehicle's merits, especially a road car, on how long it takes to get to the speed limit in a straight is entirely pointless in my book. To start with, to get anywhere near the figures in some road tests will result in some pretty hefty repair bills.

Try doing it more than twice and you'll lunch the clutch, gearbox and possibly the diff.

To get the best 0-100km/h time, you have to bury the throttle into the firewall and, just as the valves start harmonising, flick your left foot to the left off the clutch pedal - not up - and hope nothing explodes.

In getting the best time you have to pop the clutch, not ease it out.

If the clutch does in fact remain intact, and unless you have scrupulously checked the tyre pressures and have them at their optimum operating temperature, they'll probably light up like a Christmas tree and you'll go nowhere.

If there's a police officer in the vicinity, he'll hand you a ticket for uncontrollable deliberate breaking of traction in a dangerous and smelly way - or whatever the hell the offence is called.

Most rear-wheel cars do not have limited slip diffs so only one wheel will be spinning like a demented banshee, which'll mean you'll probably turn instant left into the nearest garden wall. Unless you're a professional drag racer, or at a push, a professional driver, you'll never get anywhere near the stated 0-100km/h in the ads.

If, which is entirely likely these days, you own a front-wheel-drive car don't even bother trying to find out what its 0-100km/h time is.

There's absolutely no point as you'll be so disappointed the car will be up for sale in the Herald before you've covered 200m.

The reason you don't see many front-wheel-drive cars winning drag races (open class) is they are even more prone to spinning the wheels than a rear-drive car.

For argument sake, lets just say you are dumb enough to think you have any chance of matching the advertised 0-100km/h speed, you'll have to factor in the weather, the road temperature, the type of road surface, the sort of tyres you're using and how much feeling you have for your car.

Simply put, when changing from first to second as you reach the rev limit, you reef the gearstick towards the back seat without so much as thinking about using the clutch - it's called flat changing and isn't recommended for standard road-going gearboxes.

Lets just say, if the mechanical gods have smiled on you and the planets are aligned, you may just get within half a second of the advertised time.

But I'll tell you what, as you drive to the pub to tell all your mates you're pretty good at the 0-100km/h dash, the car will be making some damn interesting noises and expensive ones to boot.

As for an automatic car, just don't bother.

The smell of burning auto fluid is not at all pleasant.

If you really think about it, does it really matter how quick your car gets to 100km/h, because once you get there you can't go any faster.

On a personal note, I'm more interested in a car's suspension, balance, anti-roll and how much weight transfer there is when I have to brake for some idiot who has decided he's had a change of mind and does want to turn left with no signal.

My idea of a good car is one that handles at speed, not how fast it gets there.