Test cricket and Victoria Park makes a lot of sense.
A few moons ago, when fly-by-night Regional Facilities Auckland boss Robert Domm embarked on a guileless crusade to turn a sad stadium story into a shambolic one, a couple of blokes I know came up with a plan for test cricket in Auckland.
Call me bias, but it's still by a long chalk the best idea anybody's tabled. As the RFA's stadium strategy comes crashing around the heads of ratepayers, it is time to revive Jeremy Wells and Mike Lane's plan.
WARNING: The following is an Original Idea.
There's a pleasing little oasis of green on the Auckland CBD's western fringe. Victoria Park lies on reclaimed land that was once Freeman's Bay. It's beginnings were humble and highly toxic, but now the London plane trees that line the park act as a set of lungs as traffic hums along Victoria St to the south, Fanshawe St to the north, and Beaumont and Halsey Sts to the west and east respectively. The Northern Motorway has a southbound flyover lording over the ground, while the northbound tunnel worms its way below it.
It is home to Grafton Cricket Club, Ponsonby Ponies Rugby League Club, a skate park and several of the city's transient population.
It's a nice enough park, nothing spectacular, but nice.
It is also the perfect location for a boutique cricket ground, something the city desperately needs to keep pace with Hamilton's Seddon Park, the Basin Reserve in Wellington, Christchurch's Hagley Oval and even the spartan University Oval in Dunedin.
We shouldn't stop there either. They might not have hosted tests but Whangarei, Queenstown, Tauranga and Nelson have more test-ready cricket venues than the country's largest city and if the council burghers of New Plymouth ever took the bull by the horns and extended Pukekura Park's tab of LSD-sized boundaries, that city would have the best of the lot.
"We are the biggest province, the biggest city and you can't exclude us from that [test] element of cricket. It's too important, so we won't just be accepting the status quo," said Auckland Cricket chief executive Mark Cameron.
Don't accept the status quo then, Mark. Challenge the lazy thinking that has dogged this entire process.
You want to reinvigorate test cricket in the city? Well, put it in a space that will encourage people to attend. How nice would it be to see the city's office workers pour out after an early finish and stroll down the hill to the cricket? How cool would it be to see dads bring their kids into the city on the train in the weekend for a couple of sessions of the cricket before stopping for dinner on the way home at the Wynyard Quarter, Viaduct Basin or City Works Depot entertainment precincts.
Heck, the young and not-so-young trendsetters can even wander up the hill to Ponsonby for a night on the tiles.
There will be naysayers. There will be complainers. There always are. Just ask Lee Germon about the fiery hoops Canterbury Cricket had to jump through to get the jewel Cantabrians now know as Hagley Oval.
You could explain to them that the permanent changes to the park would be minimal, just some banking on the edge of the park and a new pavilion, but it wouldn't matter. They want the park for themselves and their shih-tzus. Some will just be desperate for something to complain about.
This is not a good idea, it's a great idea. It will benefit cricket and it will benefit Auckland.
Hey, a couple of bloke's have even gone ahead and done most of the work for you.
*** I'll give you this unappealing scenario to ponder. We've got a dead-rubber test on a slow, turning track between two countries of which neither is called New Zealand. Early on day five South Africa, batting to save the match, have scored less runs than India have bowled overs. Hashim Amla, the captain, has scored 24 runs off 240 balls; the explosive AB de Villiers is 13 off 131.
Is this an anaesthetic for the senses? No, it's strangely riveting. This is test cricket. It's not great for those whose job it is to cut half hour highlights packages and you wouldn't want to see it too often, but it has a rhythmical quality that has a beauty of its own: Amla defending the turning ball late and deep in his crease, de Villiers pushing forward with soft hands and the best eye in the game.
It was all to no avail. Once Amla (25 off 244) and de Villiers (43 off 297) were gone - they scored 68 off the 90 overs worth of balls they faced - the laager had been breached and the end was swift.
If I was to lie on a bank somewhere picturesque, say Victoria Park, and watch a duel in the sun like that for a day, I'd walk to my bus and travel back to the 'burbs a happy man.
GIVE 'EM A TASTE OF KIWI
This might be an unpopular stance, but I was a little disappointed by the performance of the New Zealanders at the World Cup of cycling event in Cambridge. Given the auspicious occasion, I thought BikeNZ would have relentlessly pursued golds rather than treating the meet as another stepping stone on the Road to Rio.
To console myself, I dug this clip out of the vault.
SPORTS SHAREMARKET
I'm buying... Ma'a Nonu He makes a try-scoring bust in his first game for Toulon, has just won the World Cup for a second time and is a prohibitive favourite towin the Kel Tremain Memorial Award at tomorrow night's NZ rugby awards. It's a good time to be Ma'a.
I'm selling... Auckland Stadium strategies John Clarke would have been able to make a killer sitcom based in the Auckland council offices as they try to find a way of addressing the city's stadia mess.
I'M READING
The 2015 edition of The Best American Sports Writing has just hit the shelves so I'm digging into that, thanks. It includes this ripper.
We are literally getting close to my last $10. In my bid to finish the year in credit, I've dug myself such a big hole that I think I now have three more opportunities to break even and they need to be long shots.
Last week: A multi with Arsenal to beat Sunderland, Chelsea to beat Bournemouth and a team from Lancashire who wear red beat West Ham. I would have collected $23.10... instead I collected none thanks to Mourinho and van Gaal's flops.
This week: Sri Lanka batting, first dismissal LBW @ $4.50. Of course I haven't got a clue, I'm just guessing Trent Boult snakes one into the pads and Nigel Llong doesn't screw it up for once.