Happy Super Bowl Day, New Zealand. My beloved LA Rams face the Cincinnati Bengals at lunchtime. Super Bowl LVI will go down at the Rams' brand new $8.3 billion stadium. SoFi is the most expensive arena ever built, and it's beautiful.
The host city is chosen years in advanceof the big game. Today is only the second time the stars have aligned and a Super Bowl is in a team's hometown. The hype in LA is through the roof. Halftime alone features five superstars. America covers sport better than anyone, and the Super Bowl is their biggest flashest date on the calendar. All the glamour, glitz, and massive humans smashing into each other you need at lunchtime. Let's go!
For those who don't know how the game works, here it is in a sentence. It's kind of like rugby, with two teams attempting to score points by carrying the ball to their opponents' end of the field or kicking it between two posts.
Within the wider game, there's the battle for yards. The offensive team gets four attempts (downs) to move the ball 10 yards. If they make that, they get another four downs. That's how you drive down the field. If a commentator says "second and six", they mean the team are about to have their second attempt at 10 yards, and they still have six to get. Once you zone in on the downs and field position, the game becomes relentlessly tense.
Like many Kiwis my age, my love and understanding of American Football started with Madden on the Playstation 1 - a 130 million-selling simulation endorsed by everyone's favourite NFL commentator and Super Bowl XI winning coach John Madden. He passed away late last year, adding another layer of pathos to today's fixture.
Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow arrives at LAX Tuesday. Photo / Getty
In recent years NFL has become easily accessible here in New Zealand. I watched the Rams v Cardinals Wild Card game on my phone on a bus to Queenstown. You know you live in the future when you can enjoy a live game from the other side of the planet while you rumble through the Cromwell Gorge.
If you're tuning in to Super Bowl without a favourite team, you'll probably go Bengals. Kiwis always root for the underdog and these ones have cool orange tiger stripe helmets.
They also have Joe Burrow, a super stylish, young quarterback. The 25-year-old made friends recently telling kids to "work hard in silence and don't put it on social media". Off the field, he wears a diamond-encrusted 'JB9' chain, which represents his initials and jersey number. "They're definitely real," Burrow said. "I make too much money to have fake ones."
As cool as Joe Brrr is, I invite you to join the blue and gold RAMily. Quarterback Matthew Stafford has a great story. He had 12 losing seasons at the Detroit Lions. Then on holiday, he as his wife ran into Rams coach Sean McVay at a Mexican resort. They hit it off, had some drinks and hatched a plan to move the veteran QB to LA.
Stafford finally got a team good enough to back up his amazing arm and immediately took them to the Super Bowl. Defensive tackle Aaron Donald (99) is another Ram to watch. He's widely considered the best player in any position in the NFL.
Donald might just split Joey B in half. My fave Ram is Cooper Kupp (10). Wide receivers line up on the outside and fang down the field to catch the ball. This year Kupp won the triple crown, leading the NFL in receptions, receiving yards and receiving touchdowns. As coach Sean Mcvay said "Whatever you think Cooper Kupp is, he's more - bigger, faster, stronger and more twitchy".
Both the Rams and The Bengals are packed with honourable talented dudes. It truly is a feel-good Super Bowl.
There are a few ways you can watch the game. A corporate box at the stadium will cost you a million New Zealand dollars for the night. About the median house price in Southern California. If you don't have that kind of cash grab, a cheap seat for $6770 plus $1000 in fees. I suggest you stay in New Zealand, grab yourself a sixer, make a butt load of nachos and take a really long lunch. Spark Sport and NFL Game Pass have the game.
As if the footie wasn't enough entertainment there's also the halftime show. This year is set to be the best since Prince blew minds at Dolphin Stadium in 2007. SoFi is about to be lit up by Dr Dre, Snoop Dogg, Mary J Blige, Kendrick Lamar and Eminem.
Super Bowl Monday: The most wonderful day of the year #Ramily #Ramshouse. Let's Go Rams. Give em a taste of Kiwi.
