The mental health of athletes is never far from the news. It's easy to see how an elite, famous, full-time sportsperson might struggle to separate self-worth from competitive success. Especially if you consider how we behave at the lowest end of sport. I got upset when my team lostour dirt grade, low stakes, social indoor football final at the YMCA.
The fixture was played in front of no crowd with no interest from anyone. On the way to the match, I said to my girlfriend, 'I'm going to win this'. I hadn't practised, had no idea who the opposition was and at the time, suffered from chronic red mist. Unsurprisingly, I received two yellow cards and we lost 5 nil.
When it comes to sport we tell our kids "just do your best". It would be unfair to ask them to "be the best" or to win. There are too many things that are out of their control. They can't control how well the rest of their team plays, how good the opposition is or the huge amount of luck involved in sport. They can, however, put in the practice, give it a hundy on the day and play in the spirit of the game.
I think what we mean by "just do your best" is: If you try your hardest and play fair, you have every right to be proud of yourself no matter the result. Conversely, everyone will be less proud if you are lazy and a bit of a dick on the field - like I was at the YMCA.
"Just do your best", seems to be a good idea anywhere we are chasing success. In his excellent book Happy, mentalist and philosopher Derren Brown argues that artistic performance and sport require a similar approach. He cites an Academy Awards New Member speech Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) gave in 2012.
"An actor should create an interesting, compelling character that serves the text and then present it in the environment where your audition happens and then walk away. That's it. Everything else is out of your control, so don't even think about it. You're not going there to get a job, you're going there to present what you do. You act and walk away. The decision of who might get a job is out of your control. It makes no sense to hold on to that."
Cranston struggled to get parts when his goal was getting parts. When he started concentrating on what he could control he got cast. Likewise, Derren Brown believes you increase your chances of winning in sport if you aren't focused on winning.
'If we play determined to win and the other player turns out to be better than us, we will start to feel anxious and our game will suffer. By trying to win we are trying to control something outside of our remit.
"On the other hand, consider what happens if we aim instead to play as well as we possibly can. If our opponent starts to gain the upper hand, we need not feel like we are failing because we are not. We feel less anxious than in the first scenario which means we can expect to play better."
Brown goes on to say, "In all matters of success we only need to focus on developing our talent with energy. They are the twin poles of doing the best we can. If the other person wins it was always theirs."
For me, it all comes down to something Epectitus said 2000 years ago. "Just keep in mind: The more we value things outside of our control the less control we have."
In 1994, figure skater Tonia Harding tried to exert undue control over her opposition. She organised a hit on Nancy Kerrigan.
The plan was to use a telescopic baton to prevent Kerrigan from competing in the nationals. Kerrigan's leg didn't break. Harding was publicly shamed and banned for life. Even if she had succeeded, she would have known in her heart that she had lost.
Like everything else in life, we should put our energies toward the things we control. That is our thoughts and actions and nothing else. A good person who puts in the work can feel proud no matter the results.
I wonder if the advice "just do your best" would work at the highest levels of sport the same as it does for kids. It seems to work for every other part of adult life. With that in mind, I'll finish by saying, when you're out there today, you little scamp, "just do your best" and we'll all be proud of you.
