Lisa Archbold's Olympic dream weighs 48kg. It comes shrouded in pain and self-denial and some of the meanest, toughest, small women in sport. Archbold, 19, is a New Zealand judo champion determined to represent her country at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.
Between her stands some frighteningly good judo exponents from other countries and the perpetual battle to reduce her weight and increase her strength. Life is a balancing act for her, in more ways than one.
She usually weighs 56kg but has chosen to fight in the 48kg division, hoping to benefit from dropping down to a lighter division with a bigger frame.
To achieve this, she trains every day of the year, two or three times a day - a combination of aerobic fitness and weight training.
Like most of us, she keeps an eagle eye on the scales. But, unlike most of us, she approaches the task of achieving her weight goals with a fiercely determined mindset that says much about the sport of judo.
She must undertake this punishing daily routine to get stronger while also losing weight to make the 48kg class.
"It is a constant battle of hard work, eating nothing and training to be strong - I'm killing myself all the time," said the 19-year-old who was born in the United States but has been in New Zealand since she was 13 and now calls it home.
"I used to fight in the 54kg [grade], but I travelled overseas and simply wasn't strong enough. Those girls have all come down from 58kg and are much bigger and stronger than me.
"It's a fine balance of being as strong as you can but at the same time really light. You have to be physically perfect."
In 2004 her hard work paid off. She won the national title, her age-groups in the Oceania Championships, placed in the top-half of the US Open and last month won the Commonwealth title in Auckland.
Archbold said judo comes naturally as she grew up wrestling her older brother.
"He used to beat me, until I started doing judo of course, then I could smash him."
Contact sports appealed to Archbold and after trying kickboxing she found her "short and stocky" (1.56m) frame was more suited to judo which she started just after she came to New Zealand.
Archbold said the best thing about judo is her amazing friends all over the world but concedes the camaraderie ends abruptly with brutality in the ring.
She recalled watching a Russian girl breaking her Japanese competitor's arm twice in a fight, dislocating her elbow in doing so. The Japanese girl still won the fight.
"That was so hard, the girls put themselves through so much pain and it motivates you to train hard so you don't get really hurt."
She identifies the Russians, Koreans, French and Germans as the best in the world.
"The Russian girls look like they could eat their children, so fighting them is quite scary," she said, "but each competitor brings different strengths to the mat."
Being based away from the world's best exponents is not helping Archbold's progress. It motivated her to visit Belgium this year for three weeks' intensive training.
"In Europe you literally go from training camp to competition all year and just go from strength to strength," she said.
Judo could become a realistic career option for Archbold and seeing judo friends in Europe driving Audis and living a flash style is a world away from home.
"In Japan, everywhere you go you have 30-60 girls to train with and most of them are the right size and they are all so good. However, back home I am lucky to have one training partner."
But Archbold has taken proactive steps to get more girls into judo in New Zealand, promoting a club that up to 16 girls attend once a month.
She named the club Yawara, Japanese for "the gentle way". Yawara is also a cartoon character in Japan who is a little girl who trains every night and when all the big girls fight her, she wastes them all, Archbold said.
"I am keen to change the perception that judo is just a boy sport, because overseas it is very much not," she said.
She will not compete at the world championships in Cairo because she cannot afford it but she plans to spend six months abroad next year and a full year in 2006 committed to her judo.
The Commonwealth Games in 2006 is not an option as it is a rotation sport and is held only at every second games but Archbold says there are more than enough competitions for her crucial build-up to Beijing.
Archbold is coached by New Zealand's best ever judo athlete, Brent Cooper. His experience of winning a Commonwealth gold medal and coming fifth at the Seoul Olympics in 1988 means he has a vast amount of knowledge to pass along.
"There is no way in the world I could have an Olympic dream if it wasn't for Brent," she said.
Cooper, in his competing days, was based at Tokai University in Japan and became well known by all of the international competitors because of his ability to speak Japanese and English. As a result, through Cooper's contacts, she can pick almost anywhere in the world to base herself for judo, with guaranteed support.
But Archbold isn't rushing her run to the top. She believes New Zealanders tend to get ahead of themselves in international sport and reach the top prematurely.
"When I get to the Olympics I want to be completely prepared for it," she said.
"The returns are high and I don't see winning a medal as my return. I look back at all the hard work I've put in and discipline and it makes me really confident and proud of myself.
"The return is through going to amazing places like Japan and meeting people who change the way I think and teach me how to be a good person.
"That is my reward."
- HERALD ON SUNDAY
Judo: A life in balance
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