Over the past 20 weeks I've attempted to keep this cricket column as irrelevant as possible. My guiding mantra - rhythm, swing, Michael Laws - in my opinion, has served me well. I've made some powerful friends along the way. I've confused many people, too.
Sometimes my columns have walked the fine line between hard hitting fact and defamation. I've had two cease and desist letters from lawyers representing semi-prominent former national sporting treasures insulted by my ramblings. I make no apologies for my ignorance. I represent the masses. The only difference between me and a talkback caller is my lack of anonymity and the fact I was the holder of the title NZ's Sexiest Man, briefly, in 2002.
Last week's 45 represented a new low for our summer game in the eyes of the media but I took some positives out of the game. First, Dean Brownlie's three-chance century proved it is possible to score runs against South Africa's formidable attack. Even more impressive was a return to the headband from Chris Martin.
I've long been a supporter of The Old Marto and his arm pumping approach to the bowling crease. He seems like a lovely person, Chris Martin. Kind and friendly - almost uncricket-like.
I once chanted his name like a moronic provincial rugby supporter for four hours while he ran through the South Africans at Eden Park a few years ago. He was on fire that day. The crowd of 1320 was in a mild frenzy. His batting record doesn't make for great reading but I've always admired the way he holds his ground against the fastest bowling in the world. His scoring option is limited to a crease-bound prod yet I've never seen him hit on the body or look intimidated.
