James McOnie's Corner Diary

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 21

In Cardiff, New Zealand takes the early advantage through Hayley Westenra but Wales battle back to lead at halftime when the Millennium Stadium crowd start singing Bread of Heaven.

Graham Henry gets out the guitar at halftime and the result is Joe Rokocoko scoring a second half try that will make kids around the world want to play rugby. The winger benefits from an overlap but with one man to beat he tosses the ball up to kick it, doesn't kick, swerves and accelerates in a display of poetry.

The Black Caps capitulate at the Gabba - the only highlight being Craig McMillan's heated discussion with Australian wicketkeeper Adam Gilchrist on the merits of walking. Both agree it's the best fat-burning exercise around.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 22

Breakers CEO Peter Chapman disputes, refutes and pooh-poohs a Herald on Sunday story saying coach Frank Arsego is on thin ice.

Essentially Chapman says there is no ice, and if there was it would be thick and no one would be skating. Factually he is correct. He also claims Herald on Sunday reporter Gregor Paul is Scottish. Again, Chapman is right. Paul is Scottish and part Lithuanian.

Jonah Lomu has set a date for his rugby comeback - the June testimonial match for England great Martin Johnson at Twickers. "I could start playing tomorrow if I had to," Lomu told London's Sunday Times.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 23

Despite what he said, Lomu doesn't start playing rugby today.

Again racism rears its ugly white head in soccer - this time in England where fans allegedly are making "monkey gestures" towards black players.

The footage on television quite clearly shows these are not monkey but chimpanzee or orang-utan gestures. The predominantly white media can't even get its ape facts right.

Auckland has lost the V8 supercar race. Is this a big deal or were we blinded by the super in supercars? It's got to the point where every competition has to be super - Super 12, Superbowl, Super Wimbledon. Perhaps if they were superdupercars, it might have swung the decision. But as organisers and the city council sat across the table from each other like gamblers, it reminded me of what the great Kenny Rogers said: "You got to know when to Holden, know when to Ford'em, know when to walk away, know when to run."

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 24

The ASB Classic is launched with an array of tennis costumes and free gear bags on top of Auckland's ASB Tower.

But it's at the photo shoot on the 30th-storey helipad where the drama unfolds. As Kiwi teen prodigy Marina Erakovic wanders towards the sheer drop, I intercept her before a gust of wind can catch her billowy tracksuit top. The fact I probably saved her life is all in the day's work of a Herald on Sunday writer.

Erakovic, a Glendowie College sixth former who's sitting two seventh form exams, will leave for Florida soon to prepare for her homecoming.

At the same function, former Silver Fern Julie Coney (nee Townsend) says the current New Zealand netballers are too friendly. Basically the team needs more bitches to beat Australia, and the shooters should have stopped stepping in, the silly-billies. (NB: this is a rough summary of a conversation in a lift).

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 25

The Black Caps test team are named minus Pukekohe potato paceman Ian Butler. It's understood Butler threw a tantrum after he was left out of the Gabba test where the New Zealand seam bowlers were dispatched to all parts of the ground by the likes of Glen McGrath.

Surely that temper was an indication he should have played, given our lack of an angry fast bowler with a market gardening background.

When Sir Richard Hadlee identified Butler, people thought Hadlee was crazy. After Butler skittled Pakistan at the Basin Reserve a year ago, they thought he was sane.

Butler's career has gone bi-polar. It appears coach and former gravedigger John Bracewell doesn't like the cut of his jib and has all but prepared Butler's plot. And yet Bracewell's brother Brendon, a tearaway fast bowler in his day, would arguably argue in favour of the stroppy fruit and veggie thrower.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 26

There will be more than Juan Spaniard at January's Heineken Open. Juan Carlos Ferrero will join with the rest of Spain's Davis Cup team in Auckland, bar Carlos Moya.

This good news means the media can write Spanish Inquisition headlines after a press conference, Spanish Civil War when they play each other and - my personal favourite - Spanish Armada, when a Spaniard's arm is harder than his opponent's, which it often is.

Hang-dog Black Cap misfit Paul Wiseman, who was hit for 30 runs in one over in the State Thingy one-day final this year, makes the breakthrough against Australia with a caught and bowled, but dodgy old Matt Hayden won't walk.

No doubt his vice-captain Adam Gilchrist will have given Hayden a lecture on the benefits of walking for at least 30 minutes a day.