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A good week for ...
Remember when league used to buy its goalkickers from union?
Caveman Sebastien Chabal had a nightclub brawl with Italian prop Martin Castrogiovanni after the Frogs won in the final round of the Six Nations. Happily delving into cliches of national character, the hirsute Frenchman had been eyeing up the Italian's girlfriend.
The opening round of the NRL drew $7.44 million in betting with the Aussie TAB Sportsbet - that's an increase of $930,000 on the betting for the first round of 2008.
The good side of the Matt Goddard debacle: Merit-based appointments for referees are in place. The Aussie whistler was named, shamed and sent to the naughty step to have a good think about what he's done.
Turns out it is rocket science. A team of researchers at Liverpool John Moores University has devised the formula for the perfect soccer penalty taker. The run up must be five or six paces, starting from the edge of the box and approaching the ball at an angle of 20 to 30 degrees. Once struck, the ball should be travelling at 104.6km/h. Crucially it has to cross the goalline at exactly 0.5m below crossbar and 0.5m inside either post. Equally crucial, it must not be taken by an Englishman with a German in goal.
Over in Blighty, Wasps coach Shaun Edwards has urged Danny Cipriani to emulate the "greatest ever Wasp", Lawrence Dallaglio. Cipriani hopes to overcome his ankle injury and make the Lions tour to South Africa. SuperShorts suspects that Edwards is referring to Dallaglio's brave effort to overcome the ankle injury that ended his Lions tour in 2005. But he might be suggesting that Cipriani emulate Lol's behaviour on the Lions tour itself. The last time the Lions were in South Africa, Dallaglio, according to what he told an undercover reporter, partied and took drugs.
A bad week for ...
It seems there will be more fans attending a Highlanders game in Palmerston North than they can muster in Dunedin. Proof that the lack of regional identity is diluting New Zealand rugby's fanbase? Or merely an indication that even drunken scarfies will put up with only so much dross?
So what treats do the boffins of Otago rugby serve up to attract the faithful back to the House of Migraine? A pre-match dancing demonstration by Josh Kronfeld. Ye Gods. And next year's main attraction is sorted out. Michael Witt? As a first five-eighth? Heck boys, why not Ruben Wiki at prop?
The repercussions from Gatlandgate will still be wobbling when the Lions land in South Africa. Wales' Waikato-bred coach angered the Irish by saying that his players didn't like them very much. This got Irish blood boiling and the green Grand Slam soon followed. But shurely the most aggrieved party wasn't even mentioned: how galling for the English! They must be truly mediocre if a Kiwi coaching Wales doesn't instinctively see the Red Rose Army as the No. 1 object of hatred.
Strand-by-strand hair replacement vendor and sometime cricketer Greg Matthews could lose his driver's licence for a second time after admitting driving over the booze limit. New Zealand's favourite Aussie rogue of the late 80s allegedly had a blood alcohol reading of 0.113, more than twice the legal limit, when pulled over for a roadside breath test at Rushcutters Bay in Sydney on March 1.
"I've broken the law and I'm going to court about it, pretty simple," said Matthews, who lost his licence for one year, eight years ago, also for drink-driving. "I had too much to drink and I drove ... I've done the wrong thing."
Matthews once described New Zealand crowds as "animals" and claimed a toilet seat and a whole fish were hurled at him from the boundary on a tour here. A whole fish! That's a generous gift, you ungrateful convict!