But this tour is all about joining the bandwagon. Surfing the tsunami of partying, singing and banter - with a side of rugby - that the Lions bring to our shores.
For five weeks the Herald will be taking you behind enemy lines, embedded with the travelling Lions fans.
At least that's the theory. For all their big talk, I haven't spotted many in Whangarei so far.
It's a bit of a climbdown from the misty-eyed, chest-thumping that came from Britain's Daily Telegraph this week.
"The mode of transport may be different, but the faces are often the same," it said, rather too definitively as it turns out. "Every four years a travelling army of up to 35,000 is formed under the Lions badge, taking over small towns and big cities alike. For the members of the tribe there is no finer sporting concept in the world."
More than 2000 Red Army fans are expected to pour into Whangarei over the weekend. Photo / Getty
In Whangarei, I walk down the street and ask locals if they've spotted many Lions fans. Err no, they haven't.
We're promised thousands will be here in time for the tests but what about the early phases of the tour? If they're not here for them, can they call themselves fans at all?
Anyway, Whangarei has the responsibility of opening the once-every-12-years-or-so series and the locals are right into it - despite heavy rain.
Shops along Cameron St are competing against one another for the best Lions-themed storefront.
Even the lone Argentine I bump into has been caught up in the hype. Here on holiday, he's bought a match ticket, telling me he wants a taste of real New Zealand rugby.
Today, Cameron Street Mall will host a Late Lunch Festival featuring street performers, cultural experiences and live music.
Bars and restaurants at the waterfront Town Basin are bracing themselves. More than 2000 members of the Red Army are expected to arrive for the game at the 30,000 capacity Toll Stadium. We'll see.
• Heath Moore travelled in a campervan provided by Maui, who had no control over editorial coverage.
