KEY POINTS:
With the fresh tea leaves turned over, Chris Rattue casts a hopeful eye over the 12 months before us:
The Detroit Lions win a game...
Actually, they did win a few games during the 2008 American football season. The Lions won all four of their pre-season matches before losing all 16 matches in the regular season. These are tough times for Detroit, the home of the car in the land of the car. The motor industry has had to go cap in hand to central Government, and a city which has paid millions to build stadiums for its football team has now suffered the ultimate indignity of a perfect losing season. It goes without saying that the coaching staff has been sacked. The long and sad record of the Lions prevents us from predicting they will live the American dream, perform a miraculous turnaround, win the Super Bowl this year and, most importantly, become the subject of a Hollywood movie based on a book. But it would be nice to think the Lions could win at least one game in 2009.
Sachin Tendulkar comes to New Zealand with the Indian team
It will be a last chance to see the master batsman. It won't help with another wish though - that New Zealand win a major cricket series.
Aston Villa win the English Premier League
Most neutrals who want the old firm broken up in English soccer have been wishing for a Liverpool triumph - although it's a sorry state of affairs when you have to barrack for the once mighty Reds as title outsiders. There is a new kid on the block though - stately old Aston Villa under the superb management of Martin O'Neill. Villa are a strange mob for the English Premier League because they are full of young English players. Cor blimey, next they'll be getting an Englishman to manage the English team. Anyway, go the mighty Villa.
The Waratahs promise the world that this will be their year in the rugby Super 14
Included to ensure that at least one of the items on this wishlist comes true.
The Chiefs have an injury crisis
Ditto above.
The Auckland Regional Council comes clean on Beckham-gate(takings)
This desk has heard rumours that the loss on bringing Beckham and the LA Galaxy to New Zealand to play against a team so forgettable that they will remain nameless is way more than the $200,000 suggested so far. Way more. The ARC went behind closed doors when the subject came up, which is just about where the game was played before the promoters dished out free tickets. The people need to know what exactly the loss is, and who was responsible. Then we could get the culprits to send Becks the bill in return for being such gullible suckers in his worldwide branding exercise.
Rugby reverts to having a rule book instead of basing its game on a series of experiments
Novel concept, I know, but hey, it works in other sports.
Surfie girl Paige Hareb wins the world title, boosting surfing's popularity in New Zealand
If not this year, maybe next.
Aussie commentators sell signed and framed replicas of Richie Benaud's safari suit(limiting the number available to just 17,000)
The perfect way to raise the bar during the longest retirement extravaganza in sports history. The suits look great on Richie but they'd look even snazzier in the rumpus room.
Ricky Stuart replaces Wayne Bennett as Steve Kearney's right-hand man
If Wayne pulls the plug, the NZRL should chase Raging Ricky for the job. That would liven things up. As Bennett has shown, grumpy Aussie coaches who lose big finals to the Kiwis make able Kiwi assistants.
The NRL's dual refereeing system sees two whistlers run smack bang into each other
For a bit of a laugh.
Nobody pulls out of the ASB tennis classic
I wish I wish upon an alleged star ...
That Formula One motor racing is okay
Poor lambs. We've all been soooooo worried about F1 since Honda waved the white flag.
Dave Currie is named Kiwi of the Year
The painfully shy Olympic guy just doesn't get enough recognition.
Danny Lee gets on a major leaderboard
Talk about putting the pressure on - but wouldn't it be great to see the Rotorua golf prodigy's name up in lights. Keep up the practice, Danny, and don't get your head turned after turning pro.
Stacey Jones and the Warriors win the NRL
It would be a super way for our finest league halfback and fan favourite to go out. Not to be presumptuous about his retirement, of course, nor pretend that this desk has been given a nod or wink about his future. It's just that Jones has got serious form in the retirement department. Sporting years aren't the same without a Stacey Jones retirement story.
A truce is declared in the long and bitter war between NRL players and nightclub patrons
If I see one more story about a league player having a nightclub scrap while out on the town in Sydney...
A Wimbledon men's tennis final which matches the last one
The return of Nadal v Federer on the fabled centre court would be something to behold, and this time without the rain perhaps.
Phil Mickelson ignores the cruel body-shape jibes and hits the burgers...
... then beats Tiger Woods in a play-off for the US Open. After which he graciously draws his nemesis, Tiger's caddy-stroke-bodyguard Steve Williams, into his ample bosom. That would be a bigger Phil to swallow for the chatty Kiwi minder.