Harris v Donald: We’ve got the result!

Harris v Donald – choose your side. Composite photo / NZME

The world watches with bated breath as two powerful rivals, masters of their wily crafts, face off in a decisive contest.

As everyone is focused on the final moments of the US election (and media observers are particularly vigilant for clickbait headlines that don’t deliver), Herald researchers have uncovered a ball-by-ball match report of the final over of a (completely hypothetical) ODI between New Zealand and Australia. We join the action as Chris HARRIS (on four wickets) prepares to bowl to Sir DONALD Bradman (64 runs, 36 short of a century).

49.1 HARRIS to DONALD, 6 runs

The Kiwi allrounder sends down a trademark dibbly-dobbly. The greatest batsman ever pings it into Row J.

49.2 HARRIS to DONALD, 6 runs

The Kiwi allrounder sends down a trademark dibbly-dobbly. The greatest batsman ever pings it into Row K.

49.3 HARRIS to DONALD, 6 runs

The Kiwi allrounder sends down a trademark dibbly-dobbly. The greatest batsman ever pings it into the beer queue, where a well-lubricated patron takes a spectacular one-handed catch without dropping his container of hot chips.

49.4 HARRIS to DONALD, 6 runs

The Kiwi allrounder sends down a trademark dibbly-dobbly. Much more conservative from the greatest batsman ever, as he pings this one into Row D.

49.5 HARRIS to DONALD, 6 runs

Oh no! This is terrible! The Kiwi allrounder sends down a trademark dibbly-dobbly. The greatest batsman ever pings it back to the beer queue where the chip bloke has taken his eye off the action as his mates high-five him! He takes the ball right in the guts! Keep your eye on the ball, people!

49.6 HARRIS to DONALD, Wicket

Six runs needed to win, and for DONALD to bring up a century. The Kiwi allrounder sends down a trademark dibbly-dobbly. The greatest batsman ever swings and misses! And he’s bowled! It’s scarcely believable!

Result: Harris victory