By CHRIS RATTUE
Golf is a ridiculous game.
How can a man take four shots to sink his ball from 12m, then carve off a 500m hole in just three?
The former is a place where all golfers have been, although the latter is the domain of a few, and none more so than Tiger Woods.
Woods' belated attempt to win the New Zealand Open at Paraparaumu Beach started so promisingly on the first hole yesterday when he drove almost to the green on the 368m par four.
But he could not notch the birdie and disaster lay in wait on the par-three second when a four-putt double bogey left him at one under.
The early fourth-round wobbles in the wind all but ended his challenge, which started the round seven shots behind leader Stephen Leaney.
A respectable 69 left him sixth equal for the tournament at five under, netting him a whopping $36,000, which might just test his change jar.
It is a couple of years since Woods last four-putted in competition, at the Los Angeles Open, and it was testament to the tricky nature of the Paraparaumu greens.
Fast forward to the par-five 12th, a 498m hole which is the sort of thing that Woods, and what will be an increasing number of golfers armed with their rocket-launcher equipment, can turn into a drive-and-short-iron par four.
With the wind at his back, Woods hit a 340m drive, keeping it clear of the infamous Paraparaumu tussock, put his second to within four metres of the hole, and nailed the putt.
The irony of this was that the thing that the tournament promoters hoped would drag in the fans, namely Woods turning vast tracts of land into mini golf, was watched by a packed Greg Turner stand.
A couple of hundred citizens, not tempted by the reduced-rate half-day prices, crammed themselves up against the wire fence to the left of the fairway and got to see Woods deal to the 12th hole for free.
Turner, the chief protester against ticket prices that ranged up to $170 a day or $450 a "season" pass, would have approved.
And while there were as many ins and outs to the ticket argument as Woods' putting during the tournament, it has to be believed that Turner did at least have a point worthy of debate.
The poison-pen letter threat which raised late fears over Woods' security probably served only to heighten publicity for the Open.
A far more common substance than cyanide, good old Hinf2O, was a real wrecker. But there was undoubtedly resistance to the ticket prices, and paying a guaranteed $5 million to one man and thus putting golf's national showcase beyond the attendance of many is probably better left in the one-off category.
Woods' like may never be seen again in this country, especially at that price.
He was affable in his dealings with the media, although not always available, and avoided saying where he was heading last night. Australia was rumoured to be his destination.
Woods did his bit at what was described as an inspirational clinic for youngsters. And Woods dipped his toes into some Kiwiana when he supported caddie Steve Williams' saloon car racing.
Apparently in deference to the golfers who earned the plaudits yesterday, Woods declined a formal media interview and chose the far-riskier exercise of facing a scrum outside the score room.
"The people in New Zealand have been fantastic ... I've played all round the world and it hasn't always been the case," said Woods, who was wildly applauded on the 18th green.
"I'd love to come back. I just wish I could have played a bit better."
When asked what he would need to return, Woods quipped: "A guarantee I'd make more putts."
And he avoided the technical when asked what happened on his second-hole putting disaster. "I missed the first, I missed the second, I missed the third," he said.
The media scrum ended with a member of the Green Shirts, the private security team that probably followed Woods to the bathroom, barging over a reporter.
It is the sort of chaos that Woods often deals with. Maybe the lasting memory of his visit will be that New Zealand experienced first-hand the pressure that a remarkable sportsman performs his deeds under.
The Kiwi golfer is chasing the LPGA Tour season title and a huge payday.