Boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Conor McGregor. Photo / Getty Images
Sport's ability to entertain and amuse reach new heights, or is that depths, in 2017. Chris Rattue reviews the hijinks highlight reel.
Who's the boss?
Darlington football manager Martin Gray missed his side's match against Halifax on New Year's Day, because he was getting married. The big problem — the best man was his assistant, Brian Atkinson. Halifax were wedded to the date, refusing Darlington's bid to reschedule. Result — a draw.
Home not straight
Jockey Josh Cartwright deliberately steered his horse into the path of two rivals while his girlfriend scooted away to victory on the favourite during a race in Adelaide. Integrity chief Johan Petzer ranked it as the worst case of racing recklessness "in the world". Cartwright's lawyer said his suicidal client simply wanted a way out of racing, having long been under pressure from family and others who regarded him as "drop kick" who would "never amount to anything".
Bragging wrongs
Rugby wing Tom Arscott was sacked by Sale for leaking information to rivals Bristol, who included his brother Luke. The problem — when the brothers caught up at a hotel the day before the two clubs met, he bragged about a move he claimed Bristol could not deal with. "It was a bit of bragging from my point of view ... a sibling rivalry sort of thing," he said.
Also, the hoop is square
NBA basketballer Kyrie Irving's proclamation that the world is flat went around the world in a flash. Or should that be across the world. Anyway, Irving explained months later that he had been conducting a social experiment, or an "exploitation tactic".
Hard to stomach
A story that went around the world ... Sutton United's 146kg reserve goalkeeper Wayne Shaw was sacked for eating a pie on the bench during an FA Cup game with mighty Arsenal. Shaw knew that a bookie had laid out odds in relation to his pie-eating, leading to a betting probe. Shaw was sacked by the club, fined, banned ... in other words a bit of air-headed fun turned his world upside down. Months later, Shaw revealed he had suffered post-pie depression, and said: "My world fell in. I was in tears. I had never been sacked in my life. It's on my mind every day; it probably will be for a long time. And I've still got that knot in my stomach."
Not like or liked
Sculptor Emanuel Santos vigorously defended his statue of Portuguese football superstar Cristiano Ronaldo with the immortal words: "It is impossible to please the Greeks and Trojans. Neither did Jesus please everyone." Some reckoned the statue — unveiled in Ronaldo's hometown — was a better likeness of the former Republic of Ireland captain Niall Quinn.
Fake hues
Kiwi cricket commentator Craig Cumming waved his phone in front of the camera during a test at Eden Park against South Africa, appearing to get a light meter reading. It was reported as a "unique sense of humour". The big reveal: Cumming typed 6.5 into his calculator as a joke.
Crash, landing
Dragons NRL coach Paul McGregor came across a bad car crash driving to his team's match against the Warriors in Sydney. He was startled to find it involved his captain Gareth Widdop. The pair waited for a tow truck — the car was written off — before heading to the game where Widdop landed five out of five goals.
Good save
Ghanaian footballer Mohammed Anas won worldwide attention after thanking his "wife and girlfriend" following a South African premiership game. "My family knows that I call my daughter my girlfriend," he explained. "I don't have a girlfriend."
Line call
Loud sex from a nearby apartment interrupted a Florida tournament tennis match between Americans Frances Tiafoe and Mitchell Krueger.
"It can't be that good," yelled Tiafoe, as spectators guffawed in the stands.
Double fault
Romanian Fed Cup captain Ilie "Nasty" Nastase was overheard at a press conference commenting about Serena Williams' unborn baby.
"Let's see what colour it has. Chocolate with milk?" said the 70-year-old former world No1. His second serve wasn't much better. "I don't need this b@##$%^&," he told the Daily Mirror, responding to criticism. "I'm 70 years old. I don't even get paid for being team captain. I don't give a shit if they fine me."
Flushing friendship
Tom McDonald, of New York, flushed the remains of his old friend and fellow Mets fan Roy Riegel down the toilets at 16 ballparks around America. McDonald said: "I know people might think it's weird, and if it were anyone else's ashes, I'd agree ... this is the perfect tribute to a plumber and a baseball fan and just a brilliant, wild guy." With the Riegel family permission, McDonald's spooned out the ashes from an old peanut can wrapped in New York Mets ticket stubs.
Big point
Maxime Hamou was thrown out of the French Open after kissing and cuddling an embarrassed female TV reporter following his first round exit. His coach Martin Vaisse said: "It's a big point I need to work on with him."
All Blacks Anonymous
All Black mum Sandra Wihongi gave travelling British and Irish Lions fan Alex Edwards a bed for the night rather than have him sleep in his campervan at the Ponsonby rugby club. When rising test star Rieko and powerhouse brother Akira turned up, Edwards told Sandra and husband Ed: "Your lads must play a decent standard being that big ... I've seen them before somewhere'. Wihongi said: "He clicked when the boys said they had to get ready for the Blues game."
Blessing in disguise
Nigerian long jumper Blessing Okagbare's wig fell off as she made a jump at Oslo's Bislett Games. The 2008 Olympic silver medallist commented "it is what it is".
Fan enragement
Irate rugby fan Jack Quigley got a 30-minute call from Wallabies coach Michael Cheika in response to his Facebook rant following the loss to Scotland. Quigley had declared: "I love you but I'll be blunt. The Wallabies are a disgrace. I feel like you guys don't care." Cheika said: "I think it's important you talk to the fans and he is obviously one who cares ... [the post] is on our wall and for those who hadn't seen it was pretty heavy."
In with a shout
Top golf will not get crazier than this. American ace Jordan Spieth won the British Open with a bogey-birdie-eagle-birdie-birdie finish. The bogey was truly bizarre, in which he turned the par 4 13th hole into a sort of safari tour including an agonising ball search, a ball drop on the driving range, plus arm waving and long-distance yelling at his caddie. People have been turfed off public courses for less.
Highest gross fight
Way out at the weigh in ... world MMA star Conor McGregor was caught with his pants on during the preliminaries for his hugely anticipated fight against boxing legend Floyd Mayweather. Naturally, we have to show you the picture. But if you're reading in a cafe, just glance.
Eye lashing
Colour Blind Awareness had a right go at English cricket, following the introduction of pink balls. To be fair, players and spectators with the condition have had problems. Then again, have you ever tried following an ice hockey puck?
Back to front for Ferns
Black Ferns prop Toka Natua scored a hat-trick in the Rugby World Cup final win over England, while try scoring sensation Portia Woodman failed to cross the line. The pre-match odds on this would have been astronomical. "I'm speechless," said Natua.
We're all pasta caring ...
No wacky sports list would be complete without a great excuse for a failed drugs test. Leading Italian tennis player Sara Errani reckoned her mum's cancer drug could not only dissolve in soup, but also the filling for tortellini. She suspected a pill fell in the cooking and authorities accepted the explan-ation for her positive test to a drug which aids body mass.
Wherever I hang my hat ...
"The players are our most important commodity. Without them, there is no game. Everyone who works around it are just accessories." The immortal words of NRL star James Maloney, who has just joined his sixth club in 10 seasons.
Taking the piss
Spanish football league chief Javier Tebas took a swipe at Paris St Germain's astronomical spending including the recruitment of Neymar from Barcelona. "They are laughing at the system. We have caught them peeing in the swimming pool. Neymar has peed from the diving board," said Tebas.
Feel good
Nineteen seconds. The Sloane Stephens-Madison Keys hug could be the longest sports hug in history, after unseeded Stephens blew past her friend and match favourite Keys in the US Open final. As USA Today put it, "Keys all but melted into Stephens' arms at the net".
Sorry state
Two Blockhouse Bay Intermediate pupils were made to write apologies to visiting Warriors players for asking them questions. One kid asked why the team lost so often, and the other wanted to know their position on the NRL table.
Coming up trumps
Basketball great LeBron James called President Donald Trump a "bum". Fellow NBA star Steph Curry, responding to a sponsor who described Trump as a "real asset", agreed "if you remove the et".
Unusual horse whisperer
Top Irish jumps jockey Davy Russell punched his mount Kings Dolly for "failing to pay attention" as they approached a jump. He was only cautioned initially, but public pressure led to a four-day suspension; still a little short of the lifetime ban demanded by Animal Aid.
On the mat
Frustrated Coventry fan Darren Kedzierski ran onto the field shouting and gesticulating as the Sky Blues struggled against English League Two opponents. "I wasn't abusive ... I told them that I'm fed up of watching this rubbish," explained the carpet fitter.
Strolling maul
Welsh hooker Scott Baldwin received dreadful hand injuries while (drum roll) stroking a Lion on the head while visiting a South African safari park with club mates. His Ospreys rugby coach Steve Tandy defended the big cat, saying: "I don't know what sort of wildlife show Scott has been watching where you can pat a lion on the head as if it's a kitten."
Youse light up my life, not
"The most disappointing thing for me is that everyone who doubted us — the fans, media — youse got your way." So said half-baked halfback Shaun Johnson, after the Kiwis lost a World Cup league quarter-final to Fiji. A strong candidate for quote of the year. He later apologised.
The swede science
British boxing promoter Eddie Hearn reckoned David Higgins was "absolutely off his swede" and it was hard to disagree with Anthony Joshua's manger. Duco's Higgins, who handles Kiwi WBO heavyweight champ Joseph Parker, offered a $40,000 reward to anyone who could find video of his man being knocked out while also distributing less than flattering clips of Joshua in the ring. The UK media thought the stunt — designed to tempt Joshua into a fight — as "cringeworthy" and "amateurish". Higgins had consistent form throughout the year, running amok at a London press conference to promote Parker's fight with Hughie Fury.
Number crunching
The Buffalo Bills and visiting Indianapolis Colts played their NFL game in a blizzard. One of the Bills players reckoned the Colts players looked like "ghosts with just blue numbers". About 20cm of snow fell during the game in upstate New York. TV ratings were through the roof.
'My game’s feeling pretty good so it’d be great to manage to go one better at NZ.'