Put a lid on the Cake Tin, build wind barriers at both ends of the harbour, move the city somewhere else.
Whatever the answer, something needs to be done to help professional football in this country because it's not always the beautiful game.
Wellington is both the best and worst place for the Phoenix to be based.
Quite clearly the capital embraced professional football in the way Auckland embraced apathy. Admittedly, Aucklanders didn't have anything worthy to support as the New Zealand Knights set a new standard for ineptitude but Wellingtonians have largely supported the club through good times and bad.
But Wellington is not suited to football. It's hard to remember the last time the Phoenix played in football-friendly conditions and it means they are often dishing up fare that is as appealing as sunbathing on Oriental Parade in August. It is not dull, as 11 goals in five home game attest, but it's not necessarily high quality.
It's not really their fault. A football weighing up to 450 grams has little chance against wind gusts of up to 94.5km/h, as they were last Sunday, and players can't predict when they might strike. One minute they might have to smack a ball into the teeth of the wind just to get it 20m, the next a gentle lob is picked up like a balloon in a hurricane.
Short of putting a roof on Westpac Stadium or erecting a wind barrier around the stadium, there's nothing Wellington can do. But it's affecting the Phoenix's season, frustrating the players and turning some people off.
Home support used to be one of Wellington's biggest assets. Just 5211 fans turned up for the 2-2 draw against the Melbourne Heart in the cold and blustery conditions last Sunday and their season average has dropped to 7735.
They averaged 9001 last season - this was boosted to 11,575 when the two incredible playoffs games were factored in - but they have attracted a crowd of more than 9000 only once this season.
In the first season, when Wellington finished last, they attracted an average of 11,683 for each game. It's difficult to criticise fans for not turning up. An afternoon on the couch in front of the heater seems a lot more appealing than braving the weather.
They are also confronted with an unappetising stadium experience with bad food and unimaginative ancillary entertainment, which also affects Wellington rugby crowds.
Last weekend's game was in danger of being called off and against the Gold Coast, both captains were asked at halftime if they wanted to call it quits because it was being played in such dreadful conditions.
Three weeks previously, Boca Juniors were treated to Wellington's worst on a bitterly cold and windy night. Amazingly, 11,751 souls turned up for that one.
Wellington's players say they enjoy it when it blows - not because they delight in playing in windy conditions but because the opposition don't want to be there. It's fair to say that element has played a major hand in Wellington's incredible 24-match unbeaten streak in the capital. They feel unbeatable there.
But it is also blunting their ability to climb up the ladder. The Phoenix are a good side but they can't prove it when they struggle to control the ball. Players like Paul Ifill, Leo Bertos and Nick Ward base their game around skill and enterprise, not chasing lost causes, and it shows in their faces.
Summer is approaching and the temperatures will climb but it also means more northerlies for Wellington. Brace yourselves.
<i>Michael Brown:</i> Foul winds a blow to Nix crowds
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