Soccer: Ballack grateful to be into the Blues

Tonight Michael Ballack will be back doing what he knows best. There in the heart of Chelsea's midfield at the Emirates will be the imposing figure of Germany's captain, bringing his they-shall-not-pass presence to a side not lacking in strong characters. It is where Ballack wants to be, and right now, it is where he has never been more grateful to be.

Two Sundays ago, Ballack walked out in front of thousands of fans in another stadium, Hannover's AWD Arena - but not for a game. In his hands, instead of a ball, Ballack clutched a wreath, which he placed in the centre circle in front of the coffin of Robert Enke, the German goalkeeper who committed suicide.

"I knew Robert since he was 13 because we played each other in East Germany, when he played for Carl Zeiss Jena," says Ballack. "He was one of the players I had known for such a very long time. It was terrible for all the players. You lose a friend."

The two players were team-mates for the national side and would have taken the field together in next summer's World Cup finals in South Africa, but no one, neither team-mates nor family, was aware of the extent of Enke's enveloping struggle with depression.

Enke's team-mates had been there to support him in 2006, when his young daughter Lara died from a rare heart defect. What they did not realise however was that Enke continued to suffer from depression long afterwards, so much so that he was afraid that Leila, the daughter whom he and his wife Teresa adopted in May this year, might be taken from him if his anguish was ever made public.

Ballack pauses before speaking. "We never had the feeling that he had a problem like this," he says. "To not know that he has depression - that makes you feel helpless because you can't change it. This is a bad, bad thing. On Tuesday evening when we got the message in the team hotel, it was a shock. There was quietness and a lot of tears.

"I think we have to learn from this. There is the illness but also the combination with football and being famous. He was scared to speak about his problem because he was scared to lose his child, or his job. Or to confess to having a weakness to other players. People have weaknesses, we should accept it."

The relentless nature of football means that Ballack has little time to reflect on his grief for his lost friend, but must get back to playing. Tonight's trip to Arsenal is ripe with significance. Since moving to Chelsea in May 2006 on a free transfer from Bayern Munich, Ballack has won two FA Cups and a Carling Cup. Not bad, but perhaps not quite what was expected at the time as Chelsea, under the managerial guidance of Jose Mourinho, had just completed back-to-back titles.

The German freely admits he came to Chelsea to win the Champions League, an ambition yet to be realised by both player and club, but acknowledges that Manchester United have been the better side for the past three years.

"I knew what to expect," he says. "To come to a great, experienced team, I did not expect it goes like this, easy, to win the league every year. The other teams are too strong for this. I came here to win trophies. To win the Champions League, that's why I came here. There is still a big chance with Chelsea, with this team.

"There is a really, really high expectation from everybody but it starts with the owner and it goes down to the staff, the coaches, to fans, to sponsors. That's why we changed a lot of managers in the past few years. If you see the games we have played, especially in the Champions League, I think we deserved to have won it once, at least. But we haven't done it so it is still the target and we are close to it."

The expectation has accompanied Ballack since the day he arrived at Stamford Bridge. He came to Chelsea with an impeccable reputation, having built a wonderful career with spells at Kaiserslautern and Bayer Leverkusen, before moving to Bayern Munich in 2002. At Munich he won the league and cup double three times in four seasons.

He has played under four different managers in three-and-a-half seasons at Chelsea. Having been the big name at Bayern Munich and at Bayer Leverkusen, he was content to take a step back and let others enjoy the limelight, although there are many who believe the 33-year-old is currently enjoying some of the best form of his already stellar career.

"I knew there were a few players next to me who are of the same level," he says. "That's why I have no problem to step a little bit back. It doesn't matter who's scoring the most goals or who is playing the best. I can still play better but I have improved, that's right. I am a team player. Of course everybody wants to play at his best but not everybody can be in a position where he is shining. That's the secret when you have so many good players."

One of new Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti's innovations this season has been the diamond midfield. Part of its success, and maybe part of the reason Ancelotti introduced it, has been the way it allows Ballack and Frank Lampard to function well in the same side.

Yet while Ballack has finally found and settled into his role at Chelsea, it could still prove to be his final season at the club. He signed only a one-year extension last summer, and as yet there has been no indication from the club that they want it to continue. Ballack says he would like to stay.

"I am relaxed. I will see how we come together, or not. That is the situation, there is no pressure from both sides. So we will see. I want to play as long as possible at the highest standard."

One thing he does rule out is a David Beckham-style move to the US. "I want to continue to play at the highest level. I think to go to America would be a sign, not just for the other people but for me as well."

* * *

Talk of a move to America demonstrates just how much the world has changed since Ballack was a boy growing up in East Germany, in a city that then bore the name Karl-Marx-Stadt. Ballack remembers his youth with affection despite the regime under which he was born. Politics meant little to him; football was everything. Ballack's athletic build was clear from a young age, but initially the authorities believed he was better suited as an ice-skater.

"They did measurements, that was the way they did it in East Germany, to see which strengths you had for each sport, from your body. They told my parents I had the physique for an ice skater. But all I wanted to do was to play football," he recalls.

He was 13 when the Berlin Wall came down, followed by the collapse of Soviet-style governments across eastern Europe. Yet the effects of growing up in the communist system still remain. For example, Ballack has no time either for religion or superstition. He has chosen to wear the "unlucky" No 13 shirt, for club and country, ever since he moved to Bayer Leverkusen in 1999 when he requested the number.

"Other players don't want it but that's why I want it," says Ballack. "I have no problem with this. I am not superstitious. I like the number and one player in the team has to wear the 13. Maybe because I grew up like this, we didn't even have religion in East Germany. I don't have any religion now. This is normal for me."

Ballack talks of his lack of religion and superstition with a grin and a shrug. He deals with reality, good or bad, and then gets on with it. A career in which he has won 97 caps for Germany has seen many highs, but just as many disappointments. He missed Germany's World Cup final defeat to Brazil in 2002 through suspension, and then played as Spain beat Germany 1-0 in the Euro 2008 final.

Winning an international competition is the one thing he would love to claim above all else, but his phlegmatic character means he will accept it gracefully if it does not happen.

- INDEPENDENT