KEY POINTS:
I'm pretty sure I have concussion.
I've had it before and it's similar to how I felt after playing the curtain raiser for the David Beckham match.
I was seeing stars, and not just the ones playing the main game like David Beckham and Edgar Davids.
It was supposed to be a friendly match. For a good cause. That's not always possible when you dump a collection of celebrities, former sportsmen, media personalities and me on a green park and tell them to kick a ball around. They have their reputations and egos to protect.
Before kickoff, Black Caps captain Daniel Vettori singled out former team-mate Mark Richardson. They tangled in the opening minute.
Pulp Sport's Ben zoned in on Mascot.
Monty Betham wanted me. He didn't miss with the flying kung-fu kick as I went for a header.
He has previous on Mt Smart Stadium and had given me fair warning. "This is where I took on Willie Mason and won," he expressed proudly. "We had a bit of a go at each other before a match and he avoided me the whole game. You'd better look out."
I hardly saw it coming. He didn't really mean it, and football is not really his game, but the irony wasn't lost on either of us when he lunged at me towards the end of the game.
"It's this ground," he later said while apologising profusely. A kiss to my dome was also supposed to be an act of peace. I would have preferred one from Miriama Smith.
ZM's Glen Stuart also clattered me when going for a header and a woolly-haired Crowd Goes Wild reporter dropped the shoulder in the first minute. I took it all as a compliment. Maybe it was something I wrote in a past life. Maybe they saw me as the threat that needed taking out.
There were other tackles flying in, most notably from Shortland St actor Will Hall who was later described as the Human Missile.
Amid all the carnage and frequent muddling there was actually some acceptable football played at times.
It was not The Beautiful Game, as the main game between Beckham's LA Galaxy and the Oceania All Stars had been touted.
It was a game, yes, and there were a handful of beautiful people involved. But the quality of the football could be more aptly described as decent looking.
The likes of Vettori, who played age-group football for Waikato, and Warriors coach Ivan Cleary, who was also a schoolboys representative before he was signed by Manly, ensured that. Radio Sport's Kent Johns, Goran Paladin and Kath Harby-Williams were also handy while fellow shock jock Miles Davis perfected the art of the TV save playing between the sticks.
Organisers did their best to make sure it was acceptable fare for the fans by holding three training sessions in the lead-up to the match. But the most coaches Noah Hickey and Rebecca Sowden did was instruct us in the art of diving and celebrating goals.
Goals, unfortunately, were in short supply.
Vettori scored one for our Kids Can side with a poke from a couple of metres out at his third attempt, while Stuart buried a late penalty for John Walker's Field of Dreams conceded by Kerre Woodham.
"It was the hand of God," Woodham lamented.
God must have been striking her down, then, because He certainly wasn't on her side.
I was just getting struck down by the opposition.
