Soccer: The Kiwi (sort of) commentators

Like the World Cup itself, some commentators are stars and some are only there to make up the numbers. We rate their performances:

Fred de Jong: Undoubtedly the best of the bunch. Opinionated, knowledgeable and passionate, he's even funny occasionally. Major drawback, however, is that he's Dutch and has a chip on his shoulder about the rest of the world not recognising Holland as the best team in the world. (Maybe the fact they can't qualify for the finals has something to do with it).

He gets full marks for not slathering over the Brazilians like someone in the above column.

Harry Ngata: Quick, incisive, clued up. How come he's still with the Kingz?

Ricki Herbert: Surely the blandest pundit anywhere. Makes fence-sitting an art form. Stephen McIvor has even started to tease him about it.

Mark Elrick: Sounds like he has just read a coaching manual and is anxious to impress on us that he knows what he is talking about. Sharpest dresser: wore a $600 Versace shirt on one show. Full marks for winding up de Jong at any opportunity.

Jason Batty: Looks like he should be playing drums for Creed. A fairly safe pair of hands, unlike his goalkeeping.

Shane Rufer: Opinionated and insightful but he talks so s-l-o-w-l-y. At the end of his spiel you've forgotten what he was on about at the beginning.

Sean Douglas: Out of his depth. If he was a World Cup nation he would be China.

Jonathan Perry: Laconic, not always a good thing in a panellist but in this bunch often a blessing. Another Kingz player, gets full marks for wanting England to beat Argentina and wearing an England shirt. Won't heckle him next season.

Glenn Eie: Central's Norwegian striker was brought in to be the Scandinavian expert and talk about Sweden, despite the fact he's Norwegian. Looked absolutely crestfallen after England beat Argentina, presumably after stating there was no way Argentina could lose.

Stephen McIvor: Although he's a rugby league fan, the anchor has done a good job. Enthusiastic and likes to wind up Elrick, de Jong and Herbert.

Gordon Irving: The stand-in host wouldn't recognise an exciting game if it jumped up and bit him. Mind you, after having to watch and commentate every Kingz match last season, who can blame him?

nzherald.co.nz/fifaworldcup

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