David Leggat: Turkeys galore, as always, at World Cup

Martin Johnson (centre), England rugby coach. As a player he was a World Cup winner; as a coach he's been a turkey. Photo / Getty Images

One thing is beyond doubt: this soccer World Cup really needs a match to set the pulses racing.

Every four years the sports world licks its lips at what lies ahead. But for every game which lodges in the memory, there are a pile of turkeys, and this World Cup is no different.

This is partly down to the hype - which has you believing, if you are a babe in the woods on these matters - that this is the greatest show on earth, by extension loaded with compelling contests and dazzling individuals.

We should know better.

In part, it lies in the desperate desire of teams not to lose their opening group game. Drop that and you're in trouble, as Australia's 4-0 duffing at the hands of the Germans showed.

Argentina's 4-1 beating of South Korea was perhaps the closest to fitting the bill so far, but it's still more a case of a collection of flashes of brilliance than a 90-minute footballing feast.

The knockout phase should at least lift pulse rates.

One certainty: the dodgy Jabulani ball will be consigned to the dustbin after the tournament. It's a dog, making monkeys out of skilled strikers of the ball and turning this cup into a tough gig for the goalkeepers.

The latest to join the growing collection of embarrassed glovemen - alongside England's Robert Green, the Algerian chap with the dodgy dyed hairdo who helped Slovenia to victory, and the man from Japan who overleaped to his right to allow the Dutch winner - is Ghana's Richard Kingson .

His howler gave Australia the lead yesterday, only for a second red card in as many games for an Aussie to help give Ghana a precious point.

Australia are precariously balanced on a precipice, the same piece of ledge that England currently occupy.

Every four years the nation yearns for successors to the Boys of '66 who won the trophy on home turf.

After their wretched scoreless draw against Algeria, they have no chance of repeating that, unless they get a series of body and brain transplants.

Fabio Capello, England's Italian manager of sergeant-major reputation, has been shown up as somewhat less than the tactical mastermind their fans had thought. He at least looks the part.

Take a look at the state of German coach Joachim Low's hair.

His jet black thatch is either a rug or what I believe is known as an "emo" cut (parents: ask your teenagers). Either way he looks faintly ridiculous.

That said, his team will get further than England this time round, despite an unexpected setback against Serbia at the weekend.

An early memory of Carisbrook was of a bitterly cold, dank morning at the start of the 1970s.

Otago against Canterbury in the Plunket Shield. Murray Webb, one of New Zealand's quickest bowlers, and Bryan Andrews were putting the Canterbury openers through hoops. They made the ball talk but, lord, it was bitter. And this was summer.

No one seems particularly upset by the end of the 'Brook. Its time was up.

When Wellington's storied Athletic Park was on the way out several years ago, there were grumbles that a memorable piece of New Zealand's sporting furniture was to be no more.

Rather like the outcry when a historic building is squarely in the sights of a particularly unsentimental developer.

You don't hear anyone now bemoaning its loss when compared with what's replaced it.

So it will be with Carisbrook.

It has had its day. It could be fun, particularly if you wore a thick sweater - remember Lance Cairns lobbing West Indian spinner Derek Parry three times over the stand into Burns St en route to a famous test win in 1980, or the scarfies burning the couches on the terrace to keep warm? And it has been a distinctive slice of New Zealand sporting culture, but it's high time to move on.

Just one thought: I hope someone remembers to recover the urn containing Bert Sutcliffe's ashes buried under the field before the bulldozers move in.

Best commentary line of the weekend?

Actually there were two, both from Aussies.

Former Wallaby captain Phil Kearns, remembering the last time Australia came from behind at halftime to beat England was in 1975 and the infamous Battle of Ballymore.

"There were more broken jaws than tries scored that day," he quipped.

Rod Kafer, his sideline mate in Sydney as England squeezed home by a point, asked Australian reserve Dean Mumm during the second half: "What's been the composure like out there?"

To which Mumm might have been tempted to reply: "I'll tell you when I out there get."

WEEKEND WINNER

Martin Johnson, the beetle-browed England rugby coach. As a player he was a World Cup winner; as a coach he's been a turkey. But the one-point win over the Aussies might just have briefly turned the perennial frown upside down.

ONE TO WATCH

A couple actually. New Zealand Maori chase their hat-trick against England in Napier on Wednesday night; and check out the All Whites' final group game against Paraguay early on Friday.