48 Hours: Traps of TV trade-offs

By CHRIS RATTUE

By the time this column sees the light of day, we will know who are soccer's world champions and with a bit of luck, it's not the Germans. They're just so ... boring.

Whatever the result, difficult days lie ahead, because it's now time to pay up and turn your televisions over to those shows that should have been shot at birth.

That's because in the excitement of the World Cup you made some silly promises when you knew you had to watch Slovenia play Paraguay at a place called Seogwipo.

"This is the only time I'll ever be able to watch Slovenia and Paraguay - it could be the key game," you pleaded, wasting a really good excuse that was sorely missed in the later rounds.

And all for what? Because now, 4036 great balls later, you can't even remember what the Sloves and the Paras got up to, and recollections aren't helped because you never did fill out those little boxes on the wall chart that never made it on to the wall.

In a couple of years time you might even struggle to remember who lost last night's final, or even who won it. And by then that souvenir wall chart will be helping soccer through its work as decomposing matter in a recreational landfill.

Still, the World Cup is great fun at the time even if you do discover that what seemed to be its ideal timing - in our prime time - is actually a nuisance when someone else in the house insists on watching something called Felicity.

"Yeah but you can watch Felicity any time" is a score draw with, "Yeah, you can watch soccer anytime because there's another game in an hour".

You know there is serious logic in there somewhere that comes down overwhelmingly on your side. It's just difficult to find.

And soon you've got to mount another case, this time in defence of the Tri-Nations and its everlasting importance in our lives - even though you secretly hanker for the days of the great tours.

Then there's Commonwealth Games viewing time to battle for - even though these games are Level G on a world scale and as a rampant republican you believe the Commonwealth should be torn limb from limb.

So this weekend was just another battle for television sporting rights. But this time there was a great excuse - this column.

So the weekend went something like this.

SOCCER: Initially in the category NTWS (Non Television Watching Sport). News filtered through from Wellington that New Zealand had lost to a Scottish club. Potential headline: Dunfermline 1, Dumb All Whites 0. Losing seems even worse when it's against a team that sounds like an object invented by a mad scientist.

In response to a recent column, I was assured by a rampant New Zealand Soccer media officer Andrew Dewhurst that the game here is "making wonderful progress in many different areas," and he mounted a case that made us sound like world champions. Mmmm, steady. But there was a happy ending this weekend. The All Whites came from behind to beat Dunfermline 4-2 at Albany yesterday. And it was on television, and didn't clash with Felicity. Which IS progress.

RUGBY: Why can't the All Blacks take their pre-season romps to the Islands. Who knows, they might not even be romps in Suva, Nuku'alofa and Apia. If another team from Fiji, Tonga or Samoa capitulates in the month of June while the All Blacks go through their training routines in Albany and Hamilton ... All it ever does is lull us into a false sense of superiority.

Over in Sydney, the French again showed glimpses of their rare ability to break defences through sleight of hand and foot, although Wallaby power prevailed, just. All attempts to stay awake to watch South Africa and Argentina failed.

NETBALL: Managed to flick over for the last period of New Zealand's demolition of Barbados. There was an early hint that this might not be the international sporting contest TV One would like it to be. The netball scene is conservative so when player-turned-commentator Tanya Dearns predicted a New Zealand win by 35 points, you knew the Barbies were in deep trouble. Final score: 88-27.

CRICKET: Is this one of the great efforts by a New Zealand touring team or what? Fleming's men are performing wonders, and it's not just the usual suspects doing the work. Scott Styris' century on debut adds to the contributions from people such as Robbie Hart. Best of all, we've got one of the quickest bowlers around in Shane Bond, and the Butler as in Ian might be doing it as well soon. Yippee! We can go and scare the Aussies.

RUGBY LEAGUE: As if we didn't know already, but the Warriors proved they are the real deal with victory in Brisbane. There were no Langer Clangers this time. Just when they looked ready to crack, Daniel Anderson's side came back with tries to put the State of Origin-affected Broncos away. Victory in Brisbane was the breaking of the Warriors' final hoodoo. So what about winning the title? Are Warriors supporters allowed to think like that yet?

HIGH POINT: The All Whites beating Dunfermline 4-2 at Albany. Our national side don't often get their place in the sun or score four goals in the same season, let alone the same game. Putting the All Whites on during the World Cup is a bit like busking at the Last Night at the Proms. You could get severely overshadowed. But Mick Waitt's lads - as soccer players are called - eventually rose to the occasion, even if the crowds didn't.

LOW POINT: The World Cup and international rugby induced sleep deprivation, which made it impossible to hang on and watch the New Zealand cricket side's charge into a series-winning position against the West Indies. Tours can be the making of sides. An away series win would lift the confidence of our latest international newcomers. Maybe the class of 2002 will stick around and this tour will be seen as the start of an exciting era.