Come in Sepp Blatter.
Now that the world football boss has trained his guns on strutting Chelsea, might he also find time to fire a few pot shots at our own football Knights. The game here is in need of a good peppering.
First, the good news for New Zealand football.
The Knights declared this week they will step up their community involvement. That, presumably, is if they can find anyone in the community ready to give this rag-tag sporting embarrassment any more chances.
Next, the bad news.
The community the Knights are talking about is in Korea. Yes, the Knights are taking heart in Seoul.
This stretches the point slightly because the Knights' Korean target includes those living in Auckland.
But to quote coach John Adshead: "The Knights are keen to tap into Korea and the K-League for playing talent. It is envisaged that I will travel to Korea to meet with clubs and coaches to unearth possible playing talent for our second season."
Oh to be a world soccer power broker like the Knights, unearthing on foreign soil.
And like a lot of the twaddle that emanates from this soccer club, their statement on this new Korea path contains the usual grandeur, in this case plans to "tap into the Asian superpower".
Yes folks. Asia, its bankers and a host of brilliant players can't wait for Adshead to step off the plane, waving his credit card and an envelope full of prized season tickets.
All of this emerged from a media conference at North Harbour attended by the "seven Korean newspapers and one TV station operation in Auckland", as the Knights' publicity department put it.
The Asian equation certainly isn't a new theme in world football. Manchester United are among the suitors. And maybe Knights chief executive Steve O'Hara is trying to impress John O'Neill, the head of Australian soccer and a man who will likely decide one day if the Knights have any future at all.
A buoyant Australia, readying itself for a rare World Cup finals appearance, has already quit Oceania for the more powerful Asian zone. O'Neill is falling over himself to firm up links with Asia and its investors, to raise the wages for the best Australian players to try to keep them at home.
But Australian soccer is powered by its own talent, and its great leap forward is possible because they have communities who already care about the teams.
This is a far cry from the position of the Knights, whose presence is greeted with a cocktail of despair, derision and indifference here.
Soccer has so much immediate potential in this country, yet the Knights have descended into a joke that offers fall down laughing rather than stand up prospects for the sport.
Tailing the A-League like a clapped out rental in a saloon car race is bad enough. But they are further alienated from their audience by spouting cliche-ridden dreams like the Asian superpower deal.
This comes during a dreadful opening season, using a squad of mainly unknown imports with pumped up CVs, who you suspect are only here because their plans A, B and C have fallen through.
Worse still, two of them - Simon Yeo and Ronnie Bull - scarpered leaving a trail of club-issued and tear-stained press releases listing every excuse under the sun why they had legged it out of town. The Knights need players ready to give all for the cause, not fly-by-nighters.
This, despite Adshead's early season declaration that he didn't want uncommitted one-season wonders (along with his unneeded claim that four or five players in his old stamping ground of Oman would be good enough to play here).
Adshead got it right in both respects with Bull and Yeo (and, most disappointingly, national captain Danny Hay). They certainly weren't wonders and they didn't last the season. As for the Oman bit, on the evidence of the Knights' first season there could be four or five hundred players from that petrol station good enough to play here.
But that's not the point. The Knights, and the Kingz before them, should elevate homegrown talent, guided by key players from overseas. If top-notch Kiwis could be lured home, all the better. But development of New Zealand players is surely the key for a club that needs to be based around energy and wisdom, getting all the little things right rather than spouting things like grand Korean plans.
Adshead's position as a sporting icon is assured. He must know that the magical 1982 World Cup campaign will never be forgotten by many of us.
But this is an exceptionally serious business for New Zealand soccer and questions have to be asked about Adshead's ability to handle the Knights' job, his understanding of the game of today. The Knights need a rising or established coach from the modern school.
Maybe serious illness has robbed Adshead of spirit and judgment. This would be understandable.
But he has failed in every department, from coaching, recruitment and holding the command of his squad, to inspiring confidence around the local game. Even his public words sound tired and out of touch. Who could honestly have any faith that the current administration and coaching will get the Knights out of a gigantic hole.
And now we're to be treated to the great Korean experiment, a grasp at straws if ever you've seen one.
And so to Blatter, who yesterday gave Chelsea and its Russian owner Roman Abramovich a blast for paying exorbitant fees to lure players from around the world.
"If a club can only have five foreigners among their starting 11, then they will have to build on their own youth system," Blatter stated.
"The solution is that there should be a minimum (of homegrown players).
"FIFA's idea is we should have at least six players eligible for the national team of the country in which they play."
Chelsea and the Knights are of course worlds apart - except that in this big-noting horror story the previous New Zealand club known as the Kingz claimed to be partners with the English giants.
More head in the clouds stuff.
But FIFA's vision of how countries can develop the sport - and remember FIFA has never liked teams crossing national borders to play in domestic competitions - is clear. The Knights might take note.
Of the Knights' original squad this year, seven of the 22 were New Zealanders. Of the 11 who started the last game against Queensland, just three were New Zealanders.
By just the second round, Adshead had put out a team with only one Kiwi in it and has repeated this low dose a number of times.
What the Knights really need in their recruitment of overseas players is quality, not quantity.
Oh for a couple of Steve Sumners, with the class both on and off the pitch, rather than the stragglers we've been landed with so far.
And with all due respect, how will a few Korean speaking characters - who will be off at the first sign of a decent contract back home - lift the Knights from the cellar, either in the short or long term?
The club needs to believe not only in the talent within this country, but that results can be achieved by building a team around homegrown spirit and the wholehearted support of the game here.
It won't be easy because there is a growing class to the A-league and the Knights have lost too many hometown friends already. But it is the only policy worth pursuing.
As for targeting specific ethnic communities ... for goodness sake. Just more own goals.
<EM>Chris Rattue:</EM> Knights ready to sell their Seoul for talent
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