KEY POINTS:
Big Phil from Brazil is heading England's way. Luiz Felipe Scolari has finally been persuaded to overcome his dislike of the British media, and the inconvenience to his family, and assume the post of managing Chelsea Football Club.
His nickname "Big" is as much a tribute to Scolari's character as his physique _ both of which will be useful for bossing Chelsea's extravagantly rewarded footballers _ who probably thought they had seen the full repertoire of touchline tricks under their former manager "the Special One" Jose Mourinho.
Even by the game's often eccentric standards, Scolari stands out: forthright, sentimental, hot-tempered and fiercely loyal to his players (unless gay). He cuts a swearing and spitting wildman on the touchline, and has been in hot water for his admiration of Chile's murderous dictator Augusto Pinochet. He leads prayer circles, carries iconic statuettes and once required his players to place "holy pebbles" in their socks. Boring, this will not be.
It is not the first time there has been talk of Scolari moving to the UK. Assorted Englishmen have made attempts to lure him _ understandably, since he coached the sides that knocked the national team out of two World Cups: Brazil, in 2002, and Portugal four years later. Portugal also knocked England out of the 2004 European Championships.
But after much teasing and tempting the Football Association, he announced that he was turning down the opportunity to manage England.
Manchester City sounded him out as a possible successor to Eriksson, but could not persuade him to leave the Iberian peninsula: it would be disruptive for his two sons, who are students.
It may also be that he did not fancy facing the British media. He does not much like UK journalists, and no doubt will be annoyed (if unsurprised) by the coverage his impending arrival has received. Yesterday's Evening Standard set the tone by announcing that the real boss in the Scolari household is Olga, 58, his wife of 33 years, who is everything a WAG is not meant to be: a biology graduate, trained teacher and, as an accomplished painter, an esteemed member of the San Diego Museum of Arts. Rumour has it that it was she who ordered him to take the Brazilian midfielder Kaka to the 2002 World Cup.
Chelsea's Bentley-driving players will be excited by the arrival of a big name, following the comparatively anonymous Avram Grant. The new gaffer is unlikely to smile at any camp high jinks: he reportedly declared _ jokingly? _ in 2002 that: "If I found out that one of my players was gay I would throw him off the team." Condemned by Brazilian gay groups, Phil insisted he was not homophobic: "My friends include people whose sexual preference is different from my own." A simple misunderstanding then.
Which is more than can be said for his fist fight with a Serbian player last September.
Scolari's surprised target Ivica Dragutinovic was well able to dodge any further flying ham and but for the restraining hold of other players would have pursued the older coach and lamped him back.
Instead, he contented himself by mouthing the words Hijo de Puta _ Spanish questioning of Scolari's maternal parentage. Scolari's native language is Portuguese, but he understood perfectly. Scolari had been pacing like a caged animal on the touchline, jeered by some of his own supporters. He stormed on to the field to contest a late goal. According to Scolari, he did not start the fight; nor did he actually hit Dragutinovic, and the whole incident was the referee's fault for allowing that goal. Hmmm. "He was going to hit Quaresma and I defended him," he said on Portuguese television.
"Ask him if I touched one little hair on his head. Who was to blame out there was the referee."
A UEFA inquiry reached a different conclusion. Scolari was fined 8000 and banned for four games. Similarly, when his Portugal captain Luis Figo headbutted Holland's Mark van Bommel during the 2006 World Cup in Germany, the Brazilian boss leapt to the defence of his skipper: "Jesus said we should turn the other cheek. Unfortunately, Figo is not Jesus Christ."
Such emotion breeds devotion.
Born in Passo Fundom, Brazil, in 1948, Scolari played as a defender for a succession of Brazilian football clubs before becoming a team manager in 1982. He became the Brazilian national coach in 1981.
For the time being, however, all will remain quiet, because Scolari has his hands full guiding the Portugal team through Euro 2008.
So, what lured Scolari away from Portugal? The answer is simple: money. The early reports that Big Phil is to be paid 27 million over four years appear to have been slightly exaggerated: the true figure, though, is round about 21 million _ about double what he is getting in Portugal. If he can make a few more neutral supporters love, rather than detest, Chelsea, his paymaster will consider him worth every penny.
- Independent