“I don’t think I let any managers down, or the players or the fans. If there was anyone I let down, it was myself. But more the drinking side of it, when I finished playing.”
‘The things I’ve put myself through, I’m lucky to still be here’
Gascoigne, who is still in huge demand as a speaker for the outrageous stories from his playing career, said that he still misses the buzz that comes with performing in front of thousands of people as a footballer - even some 20 years after he finished playing.
Widely acclaimed as one of England’s greatest players, Gascoigne also admitted that he gets emotional on stage when he reminisces over a career that veered between extraordinary highs and catastrophic lows. He starred in England teams that went close to winning the World Cup in 1990 and the 1996 European Championship but ultimately won only 57 caps following the serious knee injury he recklessly sustained in the 1991 FA Cup final.
“The things I’ve put myself through, I’m lucky to still be sitting here,” Gascoigne told Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes, who present the High Performance Podcast.
“I’ve spent a lot of years being down, when I did my ligaments and then my kneecap, I missed four years of football. I would’ve got 100 caps.
“When I do these venues, I hardly talk about football, more the crazy stuff I used to get up to. I’ve got to get straight in and get them laughing.
“There’s a few times when I’ve cried on stage. You miss it on a Saturday, you know, entertaining people. I got such a f***ing buzz from it and you miss that. I can be emotionally soft. It doesn’t take long for us to cry sometimes. I keep a lot of stuff in, stuff I should share but get scared of sharing with people. I don’t think I’ll ever grow up, which I don’t mind, you know?”
‘It’s not the drinking, it’s the afterwards’
Of the battle to stay sober, Gascoigne said: “It’s not the drinking, it’s the afterwards. Looking at my phone after and seeing 30 messages or missed calls, I know I’m in trouble. But I’ve been all right. Last year wasn’t brilliant, was off and on for a couple of months.
“I went to a meeting the other night so that was all right. Just an AA meeting. I went with a friend and that was okay. It’s easy really, I just try to keep away from places.
“I don’t blame anyone, I used to blame a lot of people when I was drinking. ‘It’s f***ing because he did that. Because such and such did this’. I did the 12 steps and one of the steps was to meet the person you blamed and apologise to them.
“What I put myself through and other people, jail and rehab - taking cocaine off toilet seats - and then I’m asked to be ambassador for my country, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.”
Introducing the hour-long interview, Humphrey said: “Football legend Paul Gascoigne reveals all. He welcomes Damian and I into the house he’s living in, where he’s staying in the spare bedroom of his agent.
“We see what daily life is like now for one of England’s greatest-ever players. Paul vulnerably shares the tragedy that shaped his early years. Gazza keeps us on our toes with anecdotes and stories.
“We celebrate the great moments, and discuss the tough times. It’s heartbreaking, uplifting, revealing and fascinating.”
For all his trials and tribulations, Gascoigne is also optimistic. “I’m proud of what I’ve given people,” he said.
“I gave nearly a million quid to 10 different charities and called them to keep it quiet. I’ve never [given up]. I think the time I’ll give in is when I’m in a wooden box. Apart from that, I’ll keep on fighting on.”
