Since the final whistle blew in Doha, signalling the end of the All Whites' road to the 2022 World Cup, I've been hit by an overwhelming flatness which I've spent the time since trying to diagnose.
Clearly there's disappointment at the result and what it means for a teamthat came within touching distance of something really special. But if you follow sport for long enough, you come to the realisation after a while that your team simply cannot and will not win every time they play. The very nature of sport is that the teams most of us follow will lose as often as they win. I'm a Hurricanes fan, for goodness' sake. This isn't new to me.
By the way, the unwritten laws of journalism recommend a certain degree of objectivity in situations like this. But I long ago abandoned the idea of separating my passion for the teams I've followed for over four decades in the name of impartiality. It is actually possible to feel deeply gutted the All Whites lost while still unemotionally analysing why. The day I feel nothing when New Zealand lose is the day I'll chuck it in and find something else to do.
So why does this defeat hurt so much? I can only think it's because it was so utterly undeserved.
New Zealand were the better team. They were clearly superior to a nation ranked 70 places higher in the world and even when they went down to ten men, they still were. If you'd dropped in from outer space and hadn't known who was who in football's pecking order, you'd have assumed Costa Rica were the side languishing outside the top hundred. They can take nothing from their performance apart from a ticket back to Qatar in November. And maybe that's all that matters; not how they did it, but simply that they did.
Indignation and injustice usually find a target and the easy ones are the officials. Blaming referees after a loss is equal parts tempting, misguided, and useless all at the same time, but the fact remains the officials chalked off a perfectly good goal that would have changed the shape of this game. At 1-1 and with the All Whites in the ascendency, who knows what might have played out?
Many things will have kept coach Danny Hay awake deep into the Doha night. A sloppy goal given up so early in the game. A slight lack of quality when chances arrived. A decent shout for a penalty, not given. A yellow card upgraded to red. But what'll sting the most is knowing this was an opportunity lost and not all due to factors within his side's control.
The lethargic malaise which descended on us football fans shortly after full-time and has lingered ever since is likely to be here for a little while yet. That's what sport does; it allows you to hope and imagine, before dashing those dreams with a flick of fate's fickle hand.
Today it wasn't to be, and yet it so very nearly was.