Dalton Papali’i gets this. The Blues skipper sounded more like a prize fighter when hyping up Friday’s trip to Christchurch to clash with the Crusaders, a longtime leader in collecting trophies and hate.
Eschewing the usual asinine stuff about the opposition being real good — a real good way to rouse no fans — Papali’i opted instead for a bit of old-fashioned animosity.
“There’s a bit of bad blood,” he said. “It dates back years ago with the rivalry we have with them — the city boys going up against those boys from down south. It gets stronger each year. The blood gets a bit more boiled.”
Yeah that’s the good stuff; hook it to my hater veins. Hopefully the Crusaders return fire. And then lose in humiliating fashion.
For the reticent among us — Richie Mo’unga is too cute to hate, they cry — let’s turn to an easier target.
Sometime blessedly late on Sunday night, Australia became the first nation to have won every major cricket trophy ever forged, adding the world test championship to others with which we Kiwis are slightly less familiar.
Think this hater is impressed by the best? Think again. Nothing’s impressive about taking away our beloved mace, like a bully picking on his favourite target.
But Australia’s presence in the WTC final did stoke interest in a match one-sided from the start. And their success serves only to further inflame the hate in my heart ahead an Ashes showdown against — and I hope this is a safe space — a rather likeable England.
Just don’t be like Nigel Farage and mix hate with bigotry. (General rule for life: never be like Nigel Farage.) I hate all my Australian cricketing children equally, regardless of creed. Except for Steve Smith, of course, forever the No 1 boy.
3. My Djoker origin story
It’s increasingly difficult to deny that Novak Djokovic is now the GOAT of men’s tennis, this week becoming the first to have thrice won each of the four grand slams, taking his career total to a record 23.
Or it least it would be difficult to deny if I weren’t such a well-practised hater. Living in denial is what I do, babyyy.
Hate needs no logic, but here’s a little. Where Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal had the misfortune of blocking each other’s path for almost the entirety of their peaks — Federer won his first slam in 2003; Nadal in 2005 — Djokovic eventually enjoyed the chance to leap ahead of rivals in decline.
With Federer and Nadal hobbled by ailing bodies, and with no young bucks consistently challenging the old guard, Djokovic ascended.
The Serb has claimed seven slams since 2020. The retired Federer’s last came in 2018 and Nadal’s only non-clay win in that time was in Djokovic’s absence at the 2022 Australian Open.
Remind me again, why was Djokovic absent? Oh yeah, he was kicked out of the country. Do you know how hateable someone must be to get booted from *Australia*?
Djokovic, oddly durable for a man who probably uses crystals to treat a calf strain, will keep winning slams. And haters will keep finding ways to wave away his achievements.
A rare photo of Djokovic not celebrating. Photo / AP
4. Pep in the step
Speaking of waving away achievements, congrats to Manchester City on their almost-historic treble.
Pep Guardiola’s side on Sunday became the second English club to win the Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League in a single season, following neighbours Manchester United in 1999.
Full disclosure: this writer owned a VHS documenting that season, a tape worn out in similar fashion to the Will Smith classic Independence Day.
Now, if I hadn’t repeatedly watched that video, one might call me a hater for saying United’s treble was better. But, while that’s very true, the video also legitimises my hate.
The contrast was clear between the homegrown core of United and the extravagance of City. As was one treble being the culmination of an Abu Dhabi project and the other coming after fans had helped fight off a takeover by the odious Rupert Murdoch.
City’s victory followed a 2020 triumph in the courts, overturning a two-year ban from European competition for alleged financial-doping offences. Those same sins saw the club this season handed 115 charges by the Premier League — and saw haters handed 115 ways to dispute what weaker folk would describe as indisputable glory.
5. Time to tee off
As if golf needed to offer haters any more ammunition. Golf: a sport populated by men named Bryson and Wyndham, a sport whose wasteful hoarding of land has single-handedly (haters thrive on hyperbole) created Auckland’s housing crisis.
But just when the PGA were somehow looking like the good guys, they decided that Saudi cash was, on second thought, rather appealing.
Shocker, right? Rich dudes wanting to trade it all for a little more. So in a manner akin to the aforementioned Bryson saying families of 9/11 victims should forgive and forget, golf has asked everyone else to stomach its shameless money grab.
