They're slippery customers, but with a bit of technique, it'll all be 'hook a dory'.
The John Dory is an awkward looking fish. He appears ungainly, with his flat, slab-sided body, small fins and long, sweeping dorsal fin on top. His downturned mouth can be described only as ugly.
But he is a supreme hunter. Everything in nature has a purpose, and the JD's, as anglers love to call him, is to sneak up on unwary small fish and swallow them. His mottled brown colouring blends beautifully with the waving fronds of thick kelp that coat the rocks and reefs around our coast, which is where he likes to hang out.
The distinctive black spots on each flank have been described as fingerprints left by St Peter when it was necessary to catch some fish to go with the loaves to feed the masses. The veracity of this particular legend is a matter of personal opinion, but it is a good story.
Being so thin of body, the JD is hard to see when approached head-on, and the waving fronds on top of his fin could be just pieces of weed bending in the current.
So he is barely moving as he floats towards his prey, then suddenly his mouth telescopes out like a giant vacuum cleaner, sucking in a huge mouthful of water and, if all goes to plan, the hapless bait fish which is now his dinner. It is masterfully done.
But this propensity for eating only live fish makes the JD a difficult customer for the angler to target.
Although they are common everywhere, from shallow inshore waters to the deep reefs, they are rarely caught by accident.
Occasionally a JD will swallow a bait like a squid tentacle which waves around in the current, and the most common story around the after-match table when the day's fishing is being discussed goes something like this: "You wouldn't believe what I caught today! A john dory had attacked and swallowed a baby snapper on my line."
We would believe it, actually - JDs love baby snapper, but they can't usually catch them unless they are in trouble, as in stuck on your hook.
Smart anglers know that if you catch a sprat or one of the small, brown cod which hang around the piles of a wharf, slip a hook through its back and drop it down again you will often catch a JD. Or, when out in the boat a live yellowtail, or more correctly jack mackerel, which is dropped as a live bait will usually snare a JD.
If you give them what they like to eat, you can catch the john dory pretty easily. The livie should be hooked through the back, just in front of the dorsal fin, with a 5/0 or 6/0 recurve hook on a loop about a heavy sinker. The sinker will prevent the bait from swimming around in a wide circle and tangling other lines.
It's a good idea to put the rod in a holder up the front of the boat out of the way, with the ratchet on and the drag set so that if a large snapper or kingfish likes the look of the livie it can take out line.
Artificial lures also take the fancy of our friend Johnny. The original metal jigs will do the trick, and the new soft plastic baits work just as well. So that is an easy option, and the recent upsurge in lure fishing has resulted in more people catching john dory, rated by many as top of the piscatorial menu.
Being poor swimmers, the poor old Johnny is sometimes so hell-bent on chasing his dinner that he wanders into shallow water and, as a wave recedes, finds himself on his side, flapping around.
Youngsters who are quick on their feet can grab him before a rescuing wave arrives, and dogs like labradors have also been know to treat the JD as a downed pheasant. With their love of retrieving things, it is a big game to them. This approach is taken to some lengths in the north.
While fishing from the wharf at Pukenui, on the lovely Houhora Harbour, a few years ago we were surprised to see a bloke pushing a wheelbarrow down the wharf. It was piled high with rocks, and on inquiring as to why we discovered they were called "Zane Grey rocks!" Now Mr Grey is revered as the father of game fishing in this country, and there are many testaments to his sport fishing prowess. So the association with rocks was strange indeed.
But there was a very practical side to this mystery. It is well known that our friend Johnny likes to hang around wharf piles where he can ambush his dinner, and a scrutiny with Polaroid sunglasses will reveal the pale, ghost-like shadow that is Mr John Dory himself. Some have even been known to impale him on a long spear, but these local boys had a better system.
When the quarry is spotted the patriarch of the family starts throwing Zane Grey rocks. They are carefully aimed to splash on the seaward side of Mr Dory, who reacts by swimming in the other direction. Just like a sheepdog herding sheep, the rock-thrower carefully manoeuvres the Johnny until he runs out of swimming water and falls over on his side - whereupon the young members of the family race out from the beach and collect him.
In this fashion, the rocks are soon replaced in the wheelbarrow by a pile of John Dory. Dinner is served!
