'Eat sandwiches': Kiwi's hilarious cricket analogy for the US election

As many people in the US and all over the world anxiously wait for the final results of the US election, one New Zealander found a brilliant way to explain to his American friends how to wait a long time for a result without changing your mind.

Rotorua man Paul Charteris' offering some cricket wisdom to his American friends on how to cope with the time it is taking to count the votes.

Address his US friends on Facebook, Charteris explained that here in New Zealand, "and indeed many other civilised parts of the world", a lot of us play and follow test Cricket.

"One match lasts five days (I kid you not). It's simply not possible to expect a result on day one. Indeed, results are sometimes only be decided in the final hours of day five," he described.

Richard Hadlee of New Zealand traps an Indian batsmen for another wicket in the second test in Bombay, India, in 1988. Photo / Getty Images

"We Kiwis are skilled at watching such marathons and we know how to pace ourselves. Therefore, (by birthright), I am uniquely qualified to offer the following advice to get you through this election cycle."

Charteris' number one piece of advice for Americans waiting on election results is to "prepare for the long haul".

"You have two evenly matched teams with similar batters, bowlers and fielders. The ground staff have prepared a shocking pitch (electoral and voting system), but you'll have to make do with what you've got. In general, you prepare for a test match by having a comfy couch, a lot of beers and the ability to make sandwiches," he wrote.

The Kiwi goes on to explain that "a top order collapse does not mean a loss". "So, Florida went out for a duck. Too bad. The bunnies in the tail end can sometimes come to the rescue."

Offering sage advice on the importance of looking after oneself through this time, he explained how test Cricket players often break for tea, and suggested US election followers do it too. "Take the opportunity to make yourself a nice hot cuppa. Eat sandwiches," he wrote.

🇺🇸 To my US friends on the waiting for an election result. In New Zealand (and indeed many other civilised parts of...

Posted by Paul Charteris on Wednesday, November 4, 2020

"Silly mid on and silly mid off are on the field," he added. "They sound odd and no-one really knows where they are or what they do. But keep an eye on them (QAnon), because they have the ability to do something spectacular."

Charteris then recommends "getting on the front foot, protecting your own wickets and not playing too many agricultural shots. i.e. be proactive, look after yourselves, your friends and family and don't do stupid things", which is sound advice in test Cricket, in election times, and, frankly, just in general.

"If you're ahead in Cricket you can declare and end the innings early if the numbers look favourable for you in that moment," he wrote, before adding: "note - Mr Trump - that's usually not on day one".

(If you don't know much about cricket but want to learn, here's a quick guide put together last year for the Cricket World Cup, with questions from someone who doesn't understand cricket, answered by someone who does.)