The Barmy Army marched into the Valley of Peace on a sunny Wednesday afternoon in Christchurch with hopes of setting the tone for the tour ahead. By the time they’d boarded their bus back to the hotel they were defeated but not deflated. How can you be when
The grounds, the people, the beer: Barmy Army warms up for England v NZ test series
The Valley of Peace ground on Hoon Hay Valley Rd, Christchurch, where the Barmy Army were in action on Wednesday ahead of the England v New Zealand test series. Photo / George Heard
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There were highlights in the field for the tourists – especially one of the greatest wicket-keeper catches that the storied ground has ever seen, surely?
“It was an absolute fluke,” says Barmy Army gloveman Robert Thurston from Bedfordshire.
It was an ordinary delivery – but it was a much quicker delivery than the previous balls in the over. It started wide of off stump and drifted wider towards a 12th stump line. The batsman threw everything at it, miraculously managing to get a toe-end edge to push it even wider. But not wide enough to avoid the waiting gloves of Thurston.
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“It was anticipation and then obviously I went with it. One of the best ones I’ve caught, I think,” says Thurston.
There were dropped catches as well. A lot. Nick Smith from Cheltenham fluffed a pop up to square leg while being interviewed on the boundary. He was battling a teammate to claim it. Neither could.
“I’m going to blame the other guy,” says Smith.
Beyond the boundary was Ben Harris from the Isle of Man. He was not so much in a fielding position as he was in a field. He was there to retrieve balls from the long grass. This is his first tour with the Barmy Army.
“I’ve come with my wife, Stella. We’re both medics. We both retired from our jobs this year, and we always promised ourselves a Barmy Army tour. So we had a look around and we thought New Zealand is the place for us,” says Harris.
He’s a fan of the Valley of Peace ground – they all are. So were the original English tourists in 1933. Led by controversial captain Douglas Jardine, the team from the infamous “Bodyline” series stopped by the Valley of Peace ground during the “rest day” of their test match against New Zealand at Lancaster Park. A bat signed by that English team sits proudly inside the pavilion at the ground. The “rectangular oval” sits in a valley surrounded by the Port Hills.
“It reminds me of somewhere crossed between Austria and Switzerland. Beautiful spot,” says Harris, while waiting for another bashed six.
At third man was John Robbins from Essex. He was busier when the ends changed and he found himself at wide long on. It’s his first Barmy Army tour. New Zealand was too good to miss.
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“I can’t do the Ashes next year, and my brother lives out here. He has done for years, so I can kill a few birds with one stone,” says Robbins.
Many birds and their nests were threatened during the VoP XI innings, the ball flew regularly. In the covers a spritely tour debutant patrolled the rope – Alex Smith from Kent.
In front of him at a short-extra-cover was Dave, who had a vintage Barmy Army hat turned up at the back. Dave was in the firing line and a lofted cover drive was heading like a tracer bullet towards his vintage bucket hat and the head that it was protecting from the sun.
Dave threw up his hands in what could be politely described as an attempted catch. It was an act of self-preservation. He hit the deck and so did the ball.
“Yeah, down like a gunshot. Snipers got him from up there,” says Alex, trying not to let Dave hear his mirth. Dave survived the attempt on his life but can’t escape Finchy the trumpeter, who was quick to play the circus theme.
Nobody is safe from Finchy and his horn. Wah-wah-wah-wah.
Anyway, Alex also has two birds lined up with his one stone.
“I’ve always wanted to go on a Barmy Army tour, and then I’ve always wanted to go to New Zealand, so I thought I might as well kill...” Alex was interrupted as another full toss turns into a tree-seeking missile. The birds are on high alert.
Finchy was sensibly lurking in the shadows on a warm Canterbury day. He can’t remember how many tours he’s been on now. He’s the official trumpeter for the Barmy Army and it is a paid position. It’s his job. Well – it’s one of them.
“I’ve been a cricket fan since I was a teenager and I’ve been a pro trumpet player for 30 years. So it’s always been on my radar,” says Finchy.
When Billy Cooper (the previous long-time trumpeter for the Barmy Army) stood down, Finchy stepped up.
“I can’t imagine a better job for me. I’m watching test cricket, watching my heroes and going around the world meeting some fantastic people,” says Finchy.
At innings end the Barmy Army boys are confident that they’ll reel in the 171 required for victory – but after the first over their dreams are in tatters.
The field setting for the first over is best described as... aggressive. Six slips, two gulleys and point. The first ball is left outside off. The second ball cleans up middle stump. The fifth ball finds an outside edge and the waiting hands of third slip. The plan has worked and the Barmy Army never quite recover. Despite a late flurry from reluctant No 9 Nick Smith, the visitors are comprehensively thrashed. All out (and then some) for 83.
Handshakes, beers and barbecue. The match was quickly forgotten and peace returns to the valley... and its bird population.
CANTERBURY A/B v CD
It’s a pretty decent side by international standards, let alone first-class.
Tom Latham, Chad Bowes, Darryl Mitchell, Henry Nicholls, Cole McConchie, Mitch Hay, Zac Foulkes, Kyle Jamieson, Ish Sodhi, Henry Shipley and Matt Henry.
But that’s not a team selection – it’s a list of players who were unavailable for coach Peter Fulton when his Canterbury side took on Central Districts in Nelson last week. Eleven current or former Black Caps ruled out through international duty, franchise cricket, injury and parental leave. It didn’t matter – they won by 10 wickets.
“Really happy, I think just a reflection of the talent that’s coming through Canterbury cricket at the moment,” says Fulton.
The head coach says it also points to the success of the coaching and development of the region’s players.
“I guess the pathway, if that’s what you want to call it, is producing really good players,” says Fulton.
Fulton’s squad has had its depth tested early in the Plunket Shield season and has so far performed admirably.
“I think at the start of the season, probably there’s a few guys that were in the 12 for that CD game that we didn’t think were going to play, not because we didn’t think they were good enough or they weren’t talented enough, but just because we’ve got so many good players in our squad.”
A handful of those players will return for their next match with Auckland, meaning some tough calls to be made by the selectors.
“It’s a challenge from a training point of view as well because when you have every player available to train, then you’re probably looking at over 20 guys that are training, which is more than what you’d want,” says Fulton.
Among those who won’t return to action in the short term is giant fast bowler Kyle Jamieson. The 2.03m-tall right-arm quick suffered a stress fracture in his back at the end of last summer and has been away from the crease since. Fulton says his progress is encouraging.
“Still tracking really well. I think just given the nature of the injuries he’s had and the sort of setbacks he’s had, just taking small steps and not looking too far ahead in terms of a return to play,” says Fulton.
Similarly, Henry Shipley – another tall fast bowler, is recuperating from a back injury. His return might come sooner than Jamieson’s.
“It’s been a bit of a frustrating time for Henry the last sort of 12-18 months. Had a few setbacks along the way. He’s back bowling at the moment”
Fulton is cautiously optimistic about when he can add experience to his fast-bowling stocks.
“We’re hoping that at some stage during the white ball campaigns we can get him back on the park,” says Fulton.
With Jamieson and Shipley still on the sidelines and Matt Henry spearheading the Black Caps’ attack, Fulton will welcome Zac Foulkes back from international duty for the third-round Plunket Shield clash with Auckland. Foulkes, Hay, Sodhi and Nicholls were all on tour in Sri Lanka over the past three weeks. It brought a debut for Hay (and a world record) and gave Foulkes his second taste of national team selection.
“They’re just raring to get back into playing some new ball cricket and like I said, I’m sure if they can both keep producing some performances this season, it won’t be the last time we see them playing for the Black Caps,” says Fulton.
Chad Bowes will miss the Auckland game as well due to franchise cricket commitments, while Latham and Mitchell join Henry in the test team.
LIV’N IT UP
Russley Golf Club will host a national inter-provincial tournament like no other next week.
A viewing platform has been erected overlooking the ninth and 18th greens – with the hope of creating a party atmosphere for spectators.
“If you think of the Phoenix Open 16th hole where it’s a big party hole, this is not the event that perhaps the Phoenix Open hosts. However, it’s our starting point to go, ‘you know what? We can actually do a new Zealand version of this’,” says Russley’s general manager Tony Marriott.
It’s also a chance for the club to show what’s possible at the venue should bigger events come its way. Events such as a LIV Golf tournament.
Russley Golf Club made no secret of its willingness to host the controversial Saudi-backed tour when it was revealed the organisation had an eye on Christchurch.
“We got in touch with the Australian manager [for LIV Golf] over there and indicated our interest in hosting the event should it ever come to Christchurch and I think he’s open to the idea,” says Marriott.
There are about 10 million obstacles to hosting that tournament right now and every single one of them is a New Zealand dollar.
“It’s obviously going to take a bit of funding. It’s not something that generally golf clubs or single entities can afford on their own. It’s got to be a combined effort, but definitely a willingness for the golf to come to Christchurch or the South Island in the next three or four years,” says Marriott.
Next week provides Marriott with an opportunity to showcase his club’s potential.
“This would be a mini version of what we could build. So, if it all went well and we were hosting something bigger – that would be a perfect area to build a big stadium and a big stand and a big venue,” says Marriott.
It’s a bold move by Russley and an exciting initiative for a long-standing event.
“We think it’s going to be fantastic and it’s going to add a bit more energy to an event that is traditionally been very, very passive,” says Marriott.
The inter-provincials will feature 16 provinces from around New Zealand, with most bringing two teams of men and women.
It tees off on Tuesday, December 3, and runs through to Saturday, December 7.
Mike Thorpe is a senior multimedia journalist for the Herald, based in Christchurch. He has been a broadcast journalist across television and radio for 20 years and joined the Herald in August 2024.
