The trouble is, England lack a carpet to sweep stuff under. In Ashes cricket inequalities are brutally exposed and individual acts assume an heroic or tragic quality with disconcerting speed. Vince's removal was not the only highlights compiler's dream.
Earlier in England's desperate rearguard second innings, Alastair Cook chipped a Josh Hazlewood delivery back at the bowler just wide enough to necessitate an acrobatic, crowd-pleasing catch - and Hazlewood was not missing his chance to delight the locals. Off traipsed Cook, who has 83 runs for the series, at 13.83 per innings.
And then: how would an Australian stage director want to put Root back "in the shed," as they say here? How about a thick edge off Nathan Lyon's first ball, a ricochet off Tim Paine's gloves and a high take by the nemesis, Smith. Yes, that would stir the pathos nicely, on a rainy day when England trailed by 259 runs following Australia's declaration on 662-9.
But back to the Starc wonder ball, which prompted that master of deception, Wasim Akram, to exclaim: "That's called a JAFFA! What a delivery - you reminded me of my bowling days and I enjoyed it to the hilt! You made left armers proud!"
Even allowing for the crack, nobody in the Waca commentariat was withholding any praise from Starc for a ball that angled in from a wide left-arm delivery, then deviated from a point 42cms where a computer projection would have expected it to go. The new direction was the middle of Vince's stumps, and when the bails flew off the batsman ignored Starc's finger-pointing and gloating to carry on staring at the pitch as if looking for a contact lens.
The ball of the summer, then? "Yeah I'd agree with that," Hazlewood said. "It was one of those ones that hits the crack and does a fair bit. I think that angle from him around the wicket to the right handers is not bad. It's hitting that crack and it's probably heading down leg more often than not - but you just need a couple to straighten off that and you're in the game. So yeah it was a pretty special ball."
Hazlewood called it a "pretty simple method" and said: "There's not much more out there to aim at than that crack to be honest."
But this rather downbeat assessment of a superb delivery will bring no solace to England, who are trailing Australia in all departments. The two giants of their batting line-up, Cook and Root, have had to be bailed out by Dawid Malan and Jonny Bairstow; and while Smith has plotted his way to a career Test average of 62.32, second only to Donald Bradman (99.94), Root's game has fallen apart under pressure, on and off the field. His opposite number, Smith, has adopted a five-Test suffocation policy, as if his mission is to diminish or destroy as many England careers as possible.
Hazlewood could barely disguise his pleasure at spoiling Cook's 150th Test appearance. "It's obviously a pretty special wicket, and to get Root as well back in the sheds is a good one for us," he said.
Australia's bowling attack is vastly superior. Starc has 19 wickets, Hazlewood 12, Lyon 13 and Cummins 9. On the England side, Jimmy Anderson moved to 12 on day four at the Waca, but Chris Woakes has seven, Craig Overton six, Stuart Broad (0-142 here) five and Moeen Ali three. England have never looked likely to take 20 Australian wickets.
With the bat, those same Australian bowlers are a menace, with Cummins, at the crease, hard to recognise as a bowler. He averages 46 for the series. Hazlewood says: "We work hard on our batting all the time and we've seen Paddy Cummins especially this year hang around with the batter or the tail and score some useful runs. We pride ourselves on that.
"We've made their tail very uncomfortable [with the ball]. You could see the other day they didn't want to be out there."
The numbers tell the story, but so does game-changing inspiration: audacity and desire. Starc was a crack bowler long before a fissure helped him castle Vince.
- The Telegraph
