Jeremy: "This will be stunning: sunlit Indian summer evenings in the Queen City; New Zealand playing their farthest, but dearest, foe on a ground that produces the best test matches. What more could you want?"
Mark: "Have you seen the weather forecast? As for the teams, half the New Zealand team hasn't played a long-form game since December, England have, but they weren't very good at it across the Tasman. And while Eden Park might have produced some cracking tests since being reintroduced to the circuit, it's still an awful, awful place to watch cricket."
Jeremy: "Don't be like that Mark. The day-night concept is an overdue innovation that is going to bring new fans to the purest, most prestigious form of the game – a form that has felt a little unloved lately. That has got to be a good thing."
Mark: "We're a bit late for that. Late-March is rugby time. It's even league time. Summer officially runs from December 21 to March 20 and do you know how many days of test cricket we had this summer? I'll tell you Jeremy, we had zero, nil, nada. Even if the weather holds up over the next week, the idea that we'll draw new fans to the most complex form of cricket when the Blues, Crusaders and Warriors et al have already started their campaigns is wishful thinking – and I'm not a wishful thinker."
Jeremy: "It's going to be hellishly interesting to see the effects of the lights and pink ball on the quality of cricket."
Mark: "It's going to be hellish… for batsmen. There could be a couple of six-wicket sessions if a team loses a couple of set players in those gloaming sessions between full sunlight and full artificial light."
Jeremy: "Just got to count on captain Kane Williamson having the boys in the right places at the right time. After a spluttering start to the summer he looks to be hitting form at the right time. Don't get me started on Rossco Taylor – he's got to play even if they need a golf cart to get him from first slip to first slip between overs. BJ Watling's back to shore up the middle, Tim Southee and Trent Boult are two of the best with a swinging ball and how good is it going to be to watch Neil Wagner unleashed after months of domestic purgatory."
Mark: "Williamson and Taylor will have to score a lot of runs and the left-armers, Wagner and Boult, will have to take a lot of wickets. Outside of those things happening, it is difficult to see a route to victory against an England team that is not necessarily a heck of a lot stronger, but they're definitely more set up to win test cricket. It's difficult to imagine New Zealand Cricket could do more to sabotage their chances of test success with the way the season is structured. The past two seasons have ended with a test series whimpers at the hands of Australia and South Africa – don't be surprised if this one does too."
Jeremy: "In keeping with the anti-establishment theme of this test, I'm hearing you can opt for the Alternative Commentary Collective instead of the traditional Sky team."
Mark: "Please abstain."
***
Cycling is a simple sport made complicated by, yes, its tarnished ethics and by the fact the most famous races – the three grand tours – are governed by a series of unwritten rules and traditions that remain impenetrable to the casual fan. The single-most difficult concept to grasp for the layman is why 200-odd riders line up on the start line knowing only six or seven riders have a chance of winning the whole shebang?
But the classics are a lot easier to understand and the five most prestigious, the "Monuments", can provide wondrous entertainment. The first of the season's Monuments took place last weekend and the Milan-San Remo did not disappoint.
Italian Vincenzo Nibali won, defying the race's reputation as a sprinter's classic, after a brilliant attack on the final ascent, a death-defying descent and gutsy hold on the flat. The race might, however, be remembered for the spectacular, frightening crash by sprinter Mark Cavendish.
The Tour of Flanders is the next Monument but if you're going to book in one to watch as an introduction to professional cycling, tune in for the final half of the Paris-Roubaix, otherwise known as the Hell of the North.
Slightly more than 50km of the 257km course takes place over narrow, often muddy, cobbled paths and the toll on the cyclists is immense.
This is bike racing we can all understand, even if we still can't be sure what we're seeing is real.
THE WEEK IN MEDIA ...
It's a little bit long and, early doors, a little bit PR focused, but eventually you let the goodness of Sonya Iverson wash away just a little bit of the hopelessness of the Syrian civil war. Intrigued, read on. From Popular Mechanics, of course.
A lot of the stuff on Australian players' website playersvoice.com.au is close to unreadable, and this isn't the greatest piece of writing either, but there is something endearing about Esan Marsters story.
