Richard Boock: Proteas wallow in conspiracy theories and paranoia

COMMENT

You get the feeling that the South Africans might have preferred to crawl commando-style into the city under the cover of darkness and hole up in an undisclosed location on the North Shore.

Possibly the worst thing that happened to the tourists in Hamilton was the pitch and sightscreen debacle, in that it seemed to confirm their worst fears about New Zealand and reinforce their rather acute sense of paranoia.

Overheard conversations, secret photography, villains and suspicious remarks; it sounded like something from a Famous Five mystery: "Wait till dark, blah, blah, they'll never know, blah, blah, make sure you bring the knife". Suddenly there was no more talk of conspiracy theories, there was proof.

The upshot is a dangerous one for South Africa, who have been chasing shadows since their arrival in New Zealand last month, and seem to have spent much of their time searching for traps.

Everything seemed to go against them in the six-match one-day series and the temptation now is to blame that on New Zealand's reputation for being manipulative, rather than their own foibles and frailties.

There were mutterings over Graeme Smith being bullied into starting the one-dayer at Wellington; of a New Zealand influence in the decision-making at Carisbrook; and over Stephen Fleming's outburst at Auckland.

In fact, the ways things have been going lately, you couldn't rule out the next South African touring side including counter-espionage experts, high-powered listening devices, and one of Nasa's secret spy satellites.

They might also consider an equivalent of the old New York Knicks' mascot "Dancing Harry", who apparently was able to influence games by casting hexes and "whammies" on the match officials.

Mind you, the way umpire Russell Tiffin jumped in to warn Andre Nel for running on the pitch at Hamilton, the South Africans probably think the Kiwis have beaten them on that score as well.

New Zealand wouldn't be the first sporting side to try to exploit their home advantage as far as possible, but they are one of the few who have the cheek to take full licence and still deny any wrongdoing.

Even the Boston Celtics admitted that, rather than fixing their flooring problem at the old Gardens, they taught their players the location of all the flat spots so it could be used as a weapon against visiting teams.

They also used to fix the visiting team's locker room air-conditioner so that the temperature was either unbearably hot or freezing cold.

And when maturity finally caught him up, former New Zealand coach David Trist confessed to some shenanigans while in charge of Eastern Province, where it is recalled that he often used to lock visiting teams out of their changing rooms and water their practice wickets. Trist's antics were so well known that Cape Town-based Western Province, frustrated over a long-running series of inconveniences, took to practising at home and flying to Port Elizabeth on the morning of the game.

South Africa would possibly like to follow suit at the moment, it's just that the 36-hour return flight would probably prove counter-productive.

What they need to appreciate is that the problems in Hamilton were not the tip of some giant conspiratorial iceberg, but a couple of isolated moments of incompetence, one from the ICC playing committee, and the other from NZC.

New Zealand have managed to play out of their skins for most of the one-day series, and have turned in another powerful effort during the opening test.

For the tourists to dwell on a perceived bias, rather than their rapidly improving opposition, might be just the break the home side need.