Paul Lewis: Clarke cops a Lara hot air

Michael Clarke. Photo / Getty Images

You'd think Australian cricketer Michael Clarke was a mass murderer; or a terrorist; or a gang rapist. Or maybe all three.

The bile which poured out of Australia because he had the temerity to leave a cricket tour - gasp, a cricket tour! - was revealing not so much of Clarke and his troubled/publicity-conscious fiancee Lara Bingle but of the rampant chauvinism that still afflicts so many males across the Tasman.

Let's leave La Bingle aside for the moment - particularly as Clarke has just done that on a permanent basis.

She is in the midst of a PR disaster of horrifying proportions, with much of Australia and the outside world believing that she has created the storm about herself as part of a publicity drive.

Her hooking up with celebrity agent Max Markson was interpreted by many as the hidden agenda behind the media frenzy which pulled Clarke home from the tour of New Zealand to sort matters out.

Some reports over the furore about former lover and AFL star Brendon Fevola circulating a mobile phone photo of Bingle emerging from the shower have changed in tone. In the photo, Bingle looks ambushed, unhappy.

Previously, there was at least some sympathy that a man like that would take advantage of the intimacy of a former relationship. But, as the controversy has rumbled on, a few reports have started to change in tone, using words like "apparently" and "allegedly", leaving room for the thought that the Fevola phone-pic was a publicity stunt.

Have a wee think about it. A nude photo where, frankly, La Bingle doesn't look so hot, which prompts a storm of protest and reduces her credibility to zero and her popularity to minus figures ain't shattering strategy. True, Bingle, from a distance, does not always seem to have the best judgement but there are other words for anyone who deliberately does this to himself or herself - like self-destructive and moronic.

Clarke flew home, it's reported, because he was apparently angry that she had agreed to a magazine tell-all interview for A$1 million. That, indeed, makes it look as though publicity is the driver.

But let's leave Bingle perhaps wondering where the bloody hell she is - the real point is the vituperation poured in Clarke's direction.

Here are some of the arrows aimed at his departing back:

"He should be sacked for putting his high maintenance fiancee above his duties to international cricket."

"A topless photo of your girlfriend is not a matter of life and death."

"Unless he dumps her, he should never play for Australia again."

"He should not captain Australia if he is going to walk out every time Lara pulls a publicity stunt."

"Nice to see he puts his pin-up model before his country. Not. What about all our diggers over the years?"

"I don't think Clarke should ever captain Australia - Lara will probably tell you where to place the fielders."

Sheesh. And these were the kinder, printable ones... Even the esteemed Peter Roebuck got into the act.

A cricket writer with a beautiful touch, Roebuck couched the sentiments in delightful prose but was essentially saying the same thing. In the Sydney Morning Herald, he used words like "maturity" "responsibilities" and some clever writing to say, basically, that Clarke shouldn't be sidetracked from cricket by some mere slip of a girl.

Guys, guys ... it's not Gallipoli. It's cricket. And he might love her. It's probably not easy seeing someone you love hauled into this kind of maelstrom, no matter what or who the cause. It's also not easy extricating yourself from someone you love.

Clarke has been painted in the blogs and in the media as some sort of pussy-whipped, handbag-holding, excuse for a male; sniffing at the air and curling his lip in anticipation - like Cyril the ram from Footrot Flats as he catches scent of a ewe. It's a cruel depiction. At least he fronted up to break up - rather than take the coward's way of texting or voice mail.

But ... this is Australia, where men are men and women - still, for many - are chattels; sheilas. Get back in the kitchen, Gaylene. I told you I don't like cabbage and Thursday's me night for conjugal rights ... I'm going out with the boys and if you whinge, I'll take the stingray's tail out again...

We must also remember the Australian fervour, determination and competitiveness attached to their cricket - something this writer has always admired and often said that New Zealand cricketers could do with more of.

If you needed someone to bat for your life, my choice would be Allan Border, the doughty, stubborn and hugely well-performed Australian captain who personified Aussie grit and devotion to duty. The same Allan Border who fixed Dean Jones with a steely gaze as a heat-exhausted, vomiting Jones suggested he might leave the pitch in Madras in the famous tied test with India in 1986.

Border responded that would be fine as "we can get a real Australian in". Jones stayed, made 210, and regarded it as his finest hour.

So that's what Clarke is battling too but let's get real, shall we? If I had a problem with a loved one or loved ones that was taking my mind off work and affecting my life, I'd want my employers to let me have time off to deal with it. So would Peter Roebuck, I'd bet.

Okay, we are not operating in the same sphere of celebrity that Clarke and Bingle are and, as so often expressed before, celebrity is always a double-edged sword.

Clarke has nothing to be ashamed of. In tests, he has scored over 4000 runs at an average of over 50 and has helped haul Australia out of some tight spots, including against New Zealand.

He seldom sells his wicket cheaply.

He has also scored over 5000 ODI runs at an average of better than 42. He will probably be a good captain of Australia.

It also wasn't so long ago the Australian cricket public were chastising their team for being too arrogant and behaving like boofheads.

Full marks to Ricky Ponting for realising that Clarke has to sort his life out first and then come back to cricket - not the other way around.