KEY POINTS:
We'll let you in on a dirty little secret here but you better keep it to yourself: some of the credit for South Africa's stunning domination of Australia has been attributed to, wait for it ... a sports psychology consultant.
Now you can see why we don't want you to pass it on.
It all sounds a bit eerily reminiscent of that Leading Teams guff. You know, the consultants blamed for everything from the flaws in Jamie How's cover drive to delays on the Kopu Bridge.
But South Africa, in all their naivete, have fallen under the spell of one of these sporting snake-oil salesmen. Jeremy Snape is his name. The long-time Northamptonshire short-time England one-day international set up a company - Sporting Edge - who study management styles in English football's top flight and the County Championship.
He then transfers winning formulae on to teams he consults, such as the Proteas.
If he worked here, he'd be labelled an imposter, of course, because he probably owns a laptop - yes, a laptop - and he probably has a few forms - yes, forms - players are asked to fill out from time to time.
"There is definitely a blueprint for how to run a successful team,' Snape told the Daily Telegraph.
"When I speak to a player - Morne Morkel, say - I tell him that he is the managing director of Morne Morkel Ltd and that everything he does, whether it be training, nutrition, or mental preparation, will affect his share price.'
But surely, Snapey, you're missing the point? According to experts here, all you need to do is get back to basics; to get in the nets and face a bit of short stuff; to get in the dressing sheds and sink a bit of piss with the Aussies.
Still, he won't let up, this Snape bloke.
"It is just a way of encouraging the player to take responsibility,' he said.
Personal responsibility? Isn't it just easier to blame Leading Teams?
* * *
No prizes for guessing which football team Mark Gillespie supports. He has two dogs, a bichon frise and a bichon frise cross. One is called Anfield and the other Digger, as in John 'Digger' Barnes.
That nugget of information should dispel any conspiracy theories relating to Daniel Vettori trying to embarrass him during the first test at Dunedin, bowling him even when he was struggling as a message to the selectors that he wanted Chris Martin in the side.
Vettori is a Liverpool man himself, as are most intelligent folk, and as
the famous anthem suggests, he would not allow Gillespie "to walk alone". No, never.
* * *
PHOTO COMPETITION
The Herald on Sunday, in conjunction with the Beige Brigade, have a bumper prize pack to give away to the reader who has taken the best photo while at the cricket this season.
The photo need not be game-related but has to be taken from inside a ground. It can involve partial nudity but should avoid dangly bits.
The prize pack will include some beige clothing, a stubbie-cooler, a helmet that does not meet safety requirements and a groin protector worn by a senior club cricketer of our choosing. Best of all, good pics will be run on www.beigebrigade.co.nz and great ones will be run here.
Email entries to BeigeHQ@beigebrigade.co.nz
