KEY POINTS:
Feeling pretty good about life this morning? Lawns mowed, presents bought, promotion at the office, settling in for a weekend of unremitting R and R?
Try putting yourself in the shoes of the English cricket fans touching down in Perth today.
You paid serious money months ago for the chance to see a full-blooded defence of the Ashes, having assumed that by the time the series reached the third test in the far west of the Lucky Country it would still be game on.
Tough eh? Instead you lob into the land of the chortling hosts, who are seriously asking themselves, "How did we lose to this lot last year?", the scoreboard saying 0-2 with three to play, and with the prospect of more carnage at the WACA next week.
It's bad enough that they chuck off at your warm beer and pasty complexions, but imagine the frustration of not being able to mount a coherent defence for the inadequacies of your cricketers at Brisbane and Adelaide.
Imagine that you've got to sit through three more tests knowing there's more chance of snow on Christmas Day at Alice Springs than the Ashes being retained.
Australia are roaring full tilt towards a 5-0 drubbing. England will be feeling well tonked, to use the word splashed across the giant screens at the test grounds when a boundary is hit by one of the home team's batsmen.
That's just in case the English were in any doubt what this series means, or, more accurately, the depth of feeling brought on by last year's 2-1 loss in England.
They would be well within their rights to demand a refund from their cricketers - excluding the captain, Andrew Flintoff, and a couple of other hardy types who've done their bit - not to mention coach Duncan Fletcher.
The former Zimbabwean was the toast of English cricket after last year's regaining of the little urn. Now he's squarely in the large British media posses' sights over plain daft selections.
He's looking to shift the blame towards Flintoff, which, given the big allrounder's hero status, simply isn't going to work. Now there is talk of a rift between the two. A case of divide and don't conquer.
How they could pick a defensive spinner desperately short of match play, Ashley Giles, ahead of the people's champion, Monty Panesar, an attacking type who appeals as far more likely to whip a few wickets out than the older man, is barmy.
Instead of arriving for the series with the mindset of holders, in the dominant position, the whole vibe has been twitchy, best demonstrated by a pathetic batting effort on the final day at Adelaide this week.
Adelaide was England's chance to put a stake in the ground, and for four days they did a pretty fair job of it.
But then came Tuesday and what should have been a straightforward piece of work. Instead, think possums in headlights. On a day they only needed to bat sensibly for a couple of hours and the game would have been safe, they retreated.
The word is they appeared fearful when they stepped off their bus for the start of that day's play. For goodness' sake, why? Australian cricketers don't need second invitations. It all smacks of dreadful preparation by England.
And now the Aussies are really rubbing it in, one respected commentator posing the question this week: In years to come will Don Bradman, the alltime batting champion, be referred to as the Ricky Ponting of his time?
The Aussies love nothing better than dishing out a decent duffing to the English. If the next three tests produce cricket as riveting - in entertainment terms - as the final day in Adelaide it'll be great box office business.
Then again, if Australia win in Perth, Melbourne and Sydney will become irrelevant. England, to all intents, might as well pack their bags. Then again, they can take positive pills and figure all they need to do is win two of the remaining tests and draw the other. That's all it takes to keep the Ashes. Simple really.
