Howard's workplace policy cricket-friendly

John Howard

SYDNEY - The eyelids are heavy, the coffee queues are long, work tasks are taking ages to complete and quite a few people are missing.

But if Australian bosses are heeding the advice of Prime Minister John Howard, it doesn't matter.

His flexible workplace policy involves kindness to workers -- when the cricket is on.

And right now, the most important cricket match in history is being played in England -- or so we are told. Australia trail England 2-1 and need to win the fifth test if they are to retain the Ashes.

If they are going bonkers in the Old Dart over the prospect of winning the wee urn for the first time in 16 years, in the lucky country they are nervous wrecks.

Like captain Ricky Ponting, they are biting their fingernails to the quick.

The Australians have dominated test cricket for years, but the English have had the audacity to stand up and compete in this series.

Ponting and his side haven't reacted well under the pressure, with some temperamental displays. But they have an added spur to win the final test -- the thought of going down to the former colonial rulers is just too hurtful for them.

The Aussies remember only too well the bagging they copped after losing rugby's World Cup to the English two years ago. They won't want a repeat of that.

Howard, a self-confessed "cricket tragic" who loves to get behind the microphone at test matches, wished Ponting all the best for the climax to what has been an exciting series.

He was asked about Britain's Trade Union Council's plea for bosses to let workers follow the fifth test. Would he do the same?

"Well of course the hours are a little different," he told journalists.

"There should be workplace flexibility and that means that where it's possible, there should be flexible arrangements so people can watch."

This is different language from that used by a predecessor of Howard's, Bob Hawke.

As Australians started celebrating their win for the first time in yachting's America's Cup in 1983, Hawke declared: "Any boss who sacks anyone for not turning up today is a bum."

A more sombre figure, Howard could never be that direct. One journalist wrote that his comment about flexible arrangements sounded like a provision of the Workplace Relations Act.

The Government's proposed new labour laws have provoked union claims that they are employer-friendly, but when the cricket is involved, flexibility is apparently on the workers' side.

That's not to say employers won't be using matchsticks to prise open their own eyelids.

Victoria Employer of Chamber and Commerce spokesman David Gregory said employers were generally willing to accept bleary-eyed employees.

"It is a sporting event where there is widespread interest," he told The Age newspaper.

"There have been a number of CEOs, not just employees, doing the hard yards recently and staying up to watch the series."

But hopefully not everyone will be heeding the PM's keenness to watch the cricket all night.

You'd be within your rights to ask a surgeon whether he or she was a cricket fanatic should you be booked in for an op during the course of the five-day test, lest a simple gallstone removal became a kidney transplant.

And you wouldn't want a hearse driver to be up all night trying to detect Warnie's googly from his flipper and end up at the wrong cemetery. Unless you were in the coffin, in which case you wouldn't give a toss about the cricket result.

What still has to be resolved is what happens if Australia wins the test and retains the little urn. A national day of celebration, free beer for the masses courtesy of John Howard and his government?

And if England wins? A national day of mourning, flags at half-mast, the burning of Ricky Ponting effigies?

Only one thing is certain: John Howard won't call employers bums.

Meanwhile, British Airways have come up with a novel way of involving itself in the Ashes result.

It is offering flights from Melbourne or Sydney to London for prices equivalent to England's first innings score in the test.

The deal matches its British offer, which gives British residents the chance to buy tickets for the price of Australia's first innings.

And the number of tickets at the Ashes price will be set by Australia's first innings total in the test.

If Australia makes 400, for example, then 400 tickets will be offered.

But if Australia loses, Ponting and his boys won't be looking for cheap deals to return home.

- NZPA