KEY POINTS:
As dress rehearsals go, this was a bit like the lead actor breaking his leg, the heroine forgetting her lines, and the lighting technician tripping on his ladder and falling through the ceiling.
Seldom has a team who promised so much delivered so little as New Zealand yesterday, when they conspired to lose by 215 runs to arch-rivals Australia in their final Super Eights contest of the World Cup.
In less time than it took Hurricane Ivan to smash its way through Grenada three years ago, New Zealand stripped themselves of their semifinal momentum and managed to slump to their heaviest defeat in trans-Tasman history.
Never mind the 164-run thumping at the 2002 Champions Trophy, the 147-run loss in the 2005-06 Chappell-Hadlee Series, or even that notorious World Series Final at Melbourne in 1983, when New Zealand lost by 149 runs, despite Lance Cairns' six-hitting exploits.
This was the mother of them all, a loss virtually assured as soon as Shane Bond awoke yesterday with his own version of morning sickness; and put beyond doubt when the remainder of the attack started bowling like blind men.
It was as if someone had filled the pacemen with over-proofed rum punches, spun them around in 50 tight pirouettes and then sent them straight out on to the field.
Michael Mason and James Franklin were giving up more than nine an over during the opening stanzas, which seemed pretty steep until Mark Gillespie managed to trump that with 11s, andDaniel Vettori's 60 off 10 looked positively economical.
In the thick of all this the Australian batsmen could hardly believe their luck as they flogged their way to their third consecutive 300-plus total against New Zealand, led by Matthew Hayden's 103 off 100 balls, a flashing half-century from Ricky Ponting, and a blazing 65 (off 32 balls) from Shane Watson.
At the height of the carnage, 66 runs were conceded off the final five overs - most of them to Watson, who plundered four fours and four sixes in what started to look like an attempt to put the first cricket ball into orbit.
The only New Zealand bowler to escape with his reputation intact was off-spinner Jeetan Patel, who - after finding himself somewhat ominously operating in the fifth over of the day - managed to limit the damage to 48 off 10, while grabbing two wickets.
This was possibly the only useful piece of information to emerge on the New Zealand side of the ledger; the fact that Patel remains a far better bet than Mason or Gillespie in any conditions, and should be included in the line-up to meet Sri Lanka on Wednesday.
New Zealand's reply with the bat wasn't surprising, given the intensity of the Australian onslaught, the improvement of their attack and a batting surface that was slow and really worth no more than 280 or 290 on a good day.
Unlike the Chappell-Hadlee contests earlier in the year there was to be no fairytale finish; the Group C winners folding for 133 in a mere 25.5 overs, or a tick over two hours. Only Peter Fulton, who was the last to fall with 62, managed any resistance.
Skipper Stephen Fleming was unlucky to get a rough decision but the remainder of the top order couldn't gain any traction against an almost possessed Australian attack, led by chinaman bowler Brad Hogg with four wickets and paceman Shaun Tait with three.
Such was the lack of purpose in New Zealand's effort that Fleming was asked afterwards if he'd been happy to concede the game.
""No mate, we were just totally outplayed," replied Fleming. "Once again we've gone for well over 300 against Australia, and our accuracy with the ball while under pressure was again disappointing."
Fleming sounded as if he was trying to minimise the effect of the loss on his side, rejecting suggestions that the margin of defeat would put a dampener on New Zealand's semifinal preparations, while alluding to the lack of intensity caused by the dead rubber.
New Zealand were guaranteed a place in Wednesday's 2 vs 3 semifinal at Jamaica whatever the result yesterday and Fleming felt the foregone conclusion of the schedule might have had an effect on his players.
"We talked the talk and really wanted to win this game. But there's no doubt we've had one eye on the semifinal," he said.
"There was nothing riding on the match and if it took an edge off us we were always going to be in trouble and I guess that's what happened today. You've got to be playing above yourselves to beat Australia and we were certainly well below that today."
Fleming believed New Zealand were capable of getting back to their best for the semifinal, but downgraded his side's status from favourite to 'dangerous', in light of their more recent volatility.
New Zealand lost badly to Sri Lanka earlier, but bounced back to outplay South Africa in what proved their ticket to the semifinals, and an opportunity to make history.
"It really now comes down to two games and if we over-analyse what happened today, we won't be looking forward to what's coming up. We win two games, we win the World Cup," he said.
"We're a dangerous side. We could play like we did today or we could chase down 350 in the semi. Australia's playing great cricket but we hope we can get past Sri Lanka."
* Richard Boock was assisted to the World Cup by New Zealand Cricket
