Cricket: 'Hillbilly' talk gets testy reaction

By RICHARD BOOCK

Graeme Smith probably didn't know what he was getting into when he made the claim that Hamilton was the "hillbilly" capital of New Zealand.

Far from making friends and influencing people, the South Africa skipper launched the sort of debate that nearly sidelined the foreshore issue, a ruckus that outraged mayors and caused letters of complaint to fly from pillar to post.

The difficulty was trying to work out if the aggrieved were more upset about their town being considered for the title or because it was not.

"Invercargill has almost as much going for it as Hamilton," wrote loyal Southlander "Matthew".

Even Invercargill Mayor Tim Shadbolt was forced to leap to his constituency's defence, to the extent that what was hoped to be a progressive discussion turned into a barrage of finger-pointing, and statements that were clearly in breach of the Advertising Standards Act.

"It's a serious issue for small-town New Zealand, the sort of thing that could result in an extra star from the tourism board, and the basis for one of those catch-by slogans like, 'Hamilton, there's nothing wrong with it'," he said.

Smith made his remarks after noting that one of his players was asked at Hamilton whether his "mother was his brother", something the player said he didn't understand but knew was supposed to be an insult.

He inquired whether the spectator's mother was a sheep, to which the retort came, "Too right, and I'm bloody proud of it too".

Of course, Smith had to deal with the same sort of gender-assignment confusion himself after the departure of his fashion model girlfriend Minki van der Westhuizen. Barely had she left the country when Smith's mother posted her son a stuffed toy monkey as a "comforting" replacement.

The Hamilton exchange brought back memories of New Zealand's 1999 World Cup match at Leeds, when Matt Horne could hardly hear himself think on the terrace boundary as hundreds of Zimbabwe fans bleated like a mob of hungry sheep.

But if Smith thought that Hamilton was unique, he had obviously not visited places such as Invercargill, Mosgiel, Upper Hutt and Palmerston North.

All could lay claim to the hillbilly capital in their own right, although it's doubtful that the local townsfolk would appreciate the tag.

Smith, who hails originally from Johannesburg and now from Cape Town, was so anxious to not put any noses out of joint that he shared the burden, making a point of lampooning the people of the Northern Cape's Griqualand province, as well as the Hamiltonians.

"I've been to Kimberley," he said. "And that's pretty similar, I can assure you."

However, that might not come as much consolation for the Waikato folk, as Kimberley is effectively a desert town filled with tumbleweed and is best known for its "Big Hole".

It might not go down well in Kimberley either, although Smith's comments still pale into insignificance when compared to the attack launched by the London Daily Telegraph's cricket writer Michael Henderson on East London.

Obviously not intending to return to the Border province, Henderson said he felt he was taking his life in his hands whenever we walked around the streets of East London.

It was so bad, he said, it was like "walking around in an open prison".