KEY POINTS:
Try to get your head around this: Brendon McCullum blazes a century at a packed Chinnaswamy Stadium, Bangalore; the first person to hug him is Australian David Hussey; Ricky Ponting is on his feet applauding him in the dugout; Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan is genuflecting from his owner's box; and the Washington Redskins' cheerleaders are performing for the goggle-eyed masses.
This might not necessarily have sealed cricket's future but it has gone a long way to sealing McCullum's, who will scarcely play a more significant knock in any form of cricket than his 10-four, 13-six introduction to professional sport's newest league. It is no wonder the word McCullum kept repeating post-match was "surreal".
Surreal, all right. Where to start? How about those uniforms?
There was always a chance things were going to get a bit dicey when footage came through last week of the Bangalore practice. Adviser Martin Crowe was seen hitting catches in what the fashionistas would describe as a "figure-hugging number that accentuated his curves". But nothing could prepare you for the sight of McCullum and Sourav Ganguly walking out to bat in gold gloves and helmets - cricket meets porno chic.
McCullum at least gets to trade his gold helmet for a bright orange one now. In an attempt to create tradition akin to the Tour de France's yellow jersey, the orange helmet is awarded to the batsman with the highest score. As McCullum's breath-taking 158 is unlikely to be surpassed he will likely wear it for the duration, or at least until he leaves for England in early May.
But if all sounds a little less like cricket's brave new world and more like cricket's craven new world, it was not as bad as was initially feared. Sure, the uniforms were a cross between a billboard and athletic apparel but aside from the North American sports leagues, what sport doesn't use the shirt to plug sponsors?
There was an opening ceremony that evidently defied sensible analysis but anybody who has been to an Olympics, Commonwealth Games, Rugby World Cup or, in particular, the last netball world champs, would have seen worse.
Indian cricket's governing body, the BCCI, might consist of some of the most power-crazy men in the sporting world and the IPL might well be a cynical representation of some of their worst ideals but, geez, it provided some decent entertainment.
For that they can thank New Zealand's one-man cricketing roadshow B.B. McCullum. And for that he will be repaid, count on it. Overnight the doors to India's massive commercial opportunities have been unlocked for him. He will now be a bona fide cricketing rock star on the subcontinent.
Like Brett Lee, he can expect offers to play cameos in Bollywood productions. While that might be a bridge too far for a boy from south Dunedin, having his face associated with any range of products servicing the largest and fastest-growing middle classes in the world will be altogether more palatable.
"We were already looking at some commercial opportunities for Brendon in India but last night's special performance is going to open other opportunities for him," McCullum's manager Leanne McGoldrick told the Herald on Sunday. "There's already been talk of certain things today. That's just India for you. Cricketers are treated like rock stars and there are exciting times ahead but Brendon is the sort of guy that knows what his job is and will keep his feet on the ground."
Any more displays like that and McCullum might find it difficult to stay connected to terra firma.
Following his pyrotechnics he was taken to a party in Bangalore, attended by both teams, where he was schmooozed by Khan and an array of India's Bollywood and industrial giants. McCullum was apparently impressed with Khan's passion for cricket and his humility. The star, who is as recognisable in India as Brad Pitt is in Cailfornia, introduced McCullum to his family and the two chatted for the best part of an hour.
McCullum admitted to a bad case of the nerves before the IPL opener in the early hours of yesterday morning.
"I couldn't feel my legs for the first few balls," he said.
The anxiety was brought on in part by his US$700,000 pricetag, but also because of the occasion. "It was partly because of the hype around the game and some of the big names in the side with huge records. I guess you want to prove yourself and that adds to the nerves," he said.
Last night it was the turn of Kyle Mills (Kings XI Punjab), Stephen Fleming, Jacob Oram (both Chennai Super Kings) and Daniel Vettori (Delhi Daredevils) to feel the nerves as their teams made their first appearance.
Mills has already some idea about the scale of the event. He had barely time to drop his bags in his hotel room before he was whisked off to a press conference involving himself, coach Tom Moody, Aussies James Hopes and Brett Lee, and Bollywood actress Preity Zinta. The conference allegedly lasted a mere 90 minutes. The number of questions directed at Mills, Hopes and Moody - zero.
They are acutely aware of who the stars are in India.
Just ask McCullum today.
