The Crowd Goes Wild: Pollyanna losers

Trent Boult (left) and Matt Henry leave the pitch after England bowl New Zealand out. Photo / AP

Black Caps frustratingly upbeat after defeat.

Mark: "We played our part in a great test." I nearly choked on my Weet-Bix when I heard that comment come out after the first cricket test against England. "We leave with our heads held high." I'm sorry but that test was a hang-your-heads-in-shame event. Yes, they played some good cricket during the five days but they should never have been bowled out within 70 overs on the final day. I am sick of this "that's the way we play" propaganda every time our lads get rolled badly. Yeah sure, their positive approach will help net some great victories but a team deserving of the praise this one has experienced over the past year should be skilful enough and pay us enough respect to modify its game when the situation requires. Selfish and weak. That was the part they played on the final day. No, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed and they have a lot of making up to do starting tonight.

Andrew: I have nothing but agreement with you but it reminds you how perilous "good will" as a currency is when it comes to the Black Caps. There were callers popping out of the woodwork to put the boot into the team on Radio Sport all this week but can we have a little perspective please? We were rusty and away from home playing that test, we needed everyone there but the IPL gets in the way of that, but that now affords us the probability of having all our best players available. I like the aggressiveness of this team but a little understanding would go a long way, but so would a test series that is longer than two. Dreams are free.

Mark: I'm mainly just angry because I wrote a really positive column about them on Sunday and then they lose. I swear they do that on purpose. Actually I'm also angry because I hate losing to the Poms. They are just the worst winners. In the build-up to this test the fans and media were rubbishing their team and they beat us one time and all of a sudden it's the dawn of a new era and yah-de-yah. Yeah more than two tests would be nice. Maybe the losing was part of the master plan. Perhaps this was like losing to your boss at golf. Play well so you're good to play but lose on purpose so the boss feels good about himself and wants to play again. Maybe this last test was perfect after all. Play great cricket, and then sandbag it. Who wouldn't want to play a team that does that and play them lots? I'll tell you who you don't want to play often, the Highlanders. When you play them you get beat by a team nobody takes any note of and that makes it very embarrassing. Number two in the conference here we come.

Andrew: For sheer entertainment value I'm hoping the Highlanders and Chiefs make it into the wild card spots because that will make it fun, but it also means more rugby for All Blacks aspirants and that isn't ideal. I just hope the long season doesn't take its toll on the already bloated imaginary New Zealand Super Rugby infirmary and we have a decent team to get through the short, sharp build-up to the World Cup. Speaking of World Cups, will the Fifa arrests in Switzerland see Sepp Blatter actually held accountable?

Mark: Well I can answer this any way you want, just depends on how bad you want it. Are you kidding? There is no way Fifa or Sepp is toppling over this. Sepp is way too resilient for a handful of execs caught with their hands in the cookie jar to end his reign, and as for Fifa, we all knew large swathes of it were suspect from the start. Those who have been busted will go down and Sepp will breathe a sigh of relief for football. Thank goodness he's overseen the demise of these criminals in his midst.

He'd been trying for ages to weed them out. He'll thank the US for its help and then him and his mate Robert Mugabe will take a well-earned holiday in the Swiss Alps.

Pros & Cons

... of All Blacks declaring their intentions to the 2016 Sevens campaign

Andrew: As Julian Savea said this week, he has some big decisions to make on his availability for next year's Sevens campaign. But I'll tell you why it's important for players like Savea to be available - prestige. It's about showing the world the best rugby nation isn't Great Britain, South Africa or Fiji. It isn't the USA either although they do look good. Because when the New Zealand anthem is playing in Rio and our New Zealand team (the All Blacks brand probably won't be allowed anywhere near Rio because of IOC rules) we will show the globe that yes, New Zealand is the most dominant rugby nation ever. A gold medal brings sponsors and that is only good for our game. Take a couple of the boys, maybe four if you want and blend it with your established core, Sir Gordon and make the most of this opportunity.

Mark: Get your filthy hands off our 15s stars, Teitjens. Forget this fancy-pants Sevens malarkey because it is way more important that our All Blacks remain the dominant force in world rugby. And anyway, if you Johnny-come-lately mercenaries just swan on in and take the Olympic glory from the Sevens worker bees, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Blood gold, that's what I'd call it. Yeah sure it's nice to win gold medals but this country was not founded on gold medals, this country was forged in the back-blocks of the King Country, on muddy rugby fields and over my cold, artificially tanned body will that memory be disrespected on a, most likely astro-turfed, Sevens stage. And don't give me it's just one season the guns will miss to play at Rio, and it's the season after the World Cup and nobody cares about the season after World Cup because you and me both know that is bull crap.