Go you Black Caps! But let's be honest. As we prepare to face India in the semifinals, we don't stand a chance.
We have no mental toughness. We have no reserves of strength. We have no hope. We're going to get hammered, squashed underfoot, nailed to the cross.
But now isn't the time for put-downs. We should be happy we'll end up in fourth place. We're lucky to have even made it this far because we've had a shocker of a World Cup. Where do you start? We can't score runs and that's a fundamental part of cricket. If only Martin Guptill would understand that.
Martin Guptill heads back to the dressing room. Photo / Andrew Cornaga / www.photosport.nz
He's playing like a man in a dream. He dreams he's naked, and his bat isn't very big. The wickets are sharp and pointed. The ball is hard and mocking. He can only wake up when he gets out, and that's why he's in such a hurry to get out.
Get rid of him. As for Kane Williamson, he might be a good batsman, but the evidence proves he's not a good captain. He's come up short big-time in the World Cup and the only rational thing to do is get rid of him, now.
TUESDAY
Go you Black Caps! Only 24 hours to go till we go down in a burning heap. We've only beaten teams sixth place or worse so far. We're years behind India, England and Australia. The media crowing on about how good we are and that we have a chance of winning tomorrow's semi! Two words: fake news.
WEDNESDAY
Go home you Black Caps. That was pathetic. Rain saved the day but tomorrow will be even worse when play resumes.
Williamson's partnership with Taylor was too conservative. We can't score runs and that's a fundamental part of cricket. It's not about laying the groundwork, it's about smashing the ball into the stands willy-nilly.
India's captain Virat Kohli and Black Caps' captain Kane Williamson at the end of their match. Photo / Andrew Cornaga / www.photosport.nz
Guptill, once again, woke up screaming we could see his little willy-nilly. Out for a single run. Good grief. You have to feel for the guy but he's a national disgrace and a law should be passed that allows for a braying mob to burn him at the stake.
THURSDAY
Go you Black Caps!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not many people thought we could do it. Fewer still thought it was possible after the first innings. O ye of little faith!
Neesham, Henry, Taylor and Boult were all heroes. As for Williamson, his nickname isn't Steady The Ship for nothing. The great skipper trusted his instincts. His slow, steady partnership with Taylor laid the groundwork. He knew that our 239 runs would be a fortress that our bowlers could protect – not to mention our fielders, namely one Martin Guptill, aka The Stumpinator!
Ross Taylor, 50 not out, in the Black Caps semifinal match against India. Photo / Andrew Cornaga / www.photosport.nz
That amazing throw to blast Dhoni's wicket was something else. It was the stuff of dreams. Arise, Sir Guppy! He silenced the critics.
FRIDAY
You've put us through heaven and hell, maybe some of us haven't always been with you, and things got said in the heat of the moment that shouldn't have been said – but ahead of Sunday night's final, there's only one thing left to say, something true and from the heart, from all of us.
